Saturday, July 02, 2005

Money, Money, Money

Square1 wrote:

Sounds like fun! The shopping sounds worrisome... ever discussed a spending limit on the shopping trips? I don't have any credit cards and I purposefully take less cash than I am willing to part with. Window shopping is ust as relaxing as shopping and spending money. At least for me.


My reply was going to be too long for a comment, so I decided to write a post. I think money is a major problem in most marriages. In my marriage it has been one of the biggest. Wife and I come from very different economic backgrounds. I was raised in a household with no extra money. My mother had no winter coat. Although I had everything I needed, I did not have the new stereo, cool car, nice clothes, etc. My father has the amazing ability to fix anything. My stereo literally came from a junkyard and was repaired. When I entered sixth grade, I (like a lot of folks) wanted the nicer shoes, clothes, etc. My parents would not pay for a $50 pair of Nikes, when I could go to Wal-Mart and get a pair for $10. This instilled into me a sense of not wanting to buy anything. I still wanted stuff, but I didn't want to have to fork over the money to buy it. As I entered high school, things got better. Mom was able to go to work, since Bro and I were older. However, nice clothes were still a luxury. We would get them on birthdays and Christmas. I started working in sixth grade as much as I could and kept right thoughout school. I'm not complaining. It taught me a lot and helped develop me into a hardworker. In high school, I worked every Friday and Saturday night, played football, was into drama, and graduated with honors.

Wife had a different story. Although she worked in the family business from middle school on, her family had more money than mine. She never really wanted for anything. Her first car was new. The money she received came from Mom and Dad, so she never worked for anyone other than family. Like I said, she is a hard worker. She graduated valedictorian of her high school class. No schlep.

We have very different views on money. With me owning a business, she asks me for money for household bills. She says she knows how hard I have to work to keep us afloat. Yet, we have a woman to clean our house every other week, a guy to cut our yard every 10 days, she rarely cooks, the kids are signed up for every activity, we never have any food in the house (only snacks), etc. You get the picture. There is a little conflict on this subject. I have tried to put forth a budget. I asked her to stop using the credit cards. I wanted to use a kind of Dave Ramsey approach to spending. My plan was to put money that was not for household bills, loans, etc. into envelopes. By making us use cash, we would have a better understanding on where the money is going. It was like pulling teeth and never happened. She justifies her spending on the fact that the money is not used for her. The money is used for the betterment of the family, the kids, to help someone in need, etc. I cannot seem to make any headway. Plus, add her considerable student loans (six figures) and her unilateral decision to stay home has put a considerable strain on me.

Before anyone says to just talk to her, I have...ad nauseum. She refuses to see this as anything other than a personal attack. She gets angry; I find myself just agreeing to help end the conflict; and nothing changes. Been there done that, got the T-shirt. Like a lot of things, she does not want to see my side of the arguement. In the movie Spanglish, Adam Sandler is surprised when the housekeeper just agrees with him without a major fight. He is totally taken aback. He is so used to having to fight with his wife, it freaks him out. That is how I feel. Yes, I have told her about it to no avail. What will probably have to happen is personal bankruptcy.

Quite the rant.

4 comments:

aphron said...

You might be on to something. The problem isn't income. I am lucky to earn enough. The problem is outgoing.

Wife does draw a paycheck from the business, since she does the books and errands, etc. The thing is, she is an overachiever. Always has been. Although it is frustrating, my main concern isn't the now but the 10 years from now. By then our youngest will be 16. What will she do then? She will have nothing pressing to do during the day. I have brought this up on occasion. I tend to get a nonanswer.

Anyway, that is why I sometimes have a less than flattering view of a SAHM, though I believe one parent should stay home with the kids.

Digger Jones said...

Ah!

I'm working on a similar post on just this thing and had started on it before I was...ah..interrupted.

Anyway, You're not the only one and this does seem to be a recurring theme.

D.

aphron said...

Unfortunately, you have to have both in agreement for any budget to work.

Let me give you an example of the disconnect:
For 4th of July we went to a ball game with fireworks afterwards. Although it is a AA minor league team, it ain't cheap. Anyway, she bought the kids these toys on a stretchy yo-yo with lights for $5 a piece. I know that in 1 week it will be in the bottom of the toy box. This is after spending $26 to get in, not to mention drinks, etc. We probably spent ~$50 (not counting dinner out prior to going). I am ok with it all, but the $10 for these stupid toys. Instead of causing a scene, I let it go.

Anonymous said...

I know this is an old post but I just recently found your blog and I went back to catch up. WHY do you have a maid and a lawn guy when your wife is a stay at home parent? I too am a stay at home parent and I clean my own house and mow my own yard. What is her job if she is not cleaning the house? Isnt that part of a stay at home parents job? Your wife has it made... she should be thankful for the life she has and she should put out once in a while to say thanks. ;)