Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Resentment and Letting Go

Had another one with Sybil last night. Basically, the thing was set into motion by my reaction. She had called to ask me to do something. I told I had already done it. She said, "Oh really, how did you do it?" Now, my little brain heard "Oh really, I bet you screwed it up." Sybil says she was not trying to pick a fight, belittle me, or anything. I told her that what I really wanted to hear was "Oh really, I was hoping you would do that" or something along those lines. She became extremely annoyed with me because I would not give the great detail she desired. She felt I was being defensive and had my shields up. Upon reflection, I guess I did.

In the past, I have had to endure criticism for everything I've done from Sybil. From the way I speak to people in public to the way I fold clothes. Forgive me, if I'm a little defensive. The sad part is I did this small, little task in love and hoping for acknowledgement. In that area, I failed. How does one let go of resentment? How does one change how one reacts to another person? How does one retool their thinking and behavior? How does one let go of the past?

I have not been the nicest person of late. My fuse has become exceedingly short. I do not like that about myself. Yet, I seem unable to change my reactions. As I ponder the causes, I can come up with a list of potential issues. However, I have to take responsibility for it. Living with someone with a short fuse is no piece of cake. I have first hand knowledge of it. Sybil's fuse has always been short. She has improved, but I've been to wrapped up in my petty resentment to see it. Now I must get better.

Sybil will always be a critic. I cannot change that. However, I must not allow someone else to dictate my behavior. That is the trick. The closer someone is, the more influence they have.

2 comments:

So Gone Over You said...

I think that at this point, you are both almost waiting for the other one to screw up. It's like you don't trust each other to do the simplest things in the best manner. She waits for you to do something she can harp on you about, and you wait for the harping even if it isn't coming.

I have no advice on how to deal with this, but it's just what I see from the outside.

Lori said...

First of all...I had to laugh about what Passionate man said.....thinking about his rack??....LOL

Wanting acknowledgement.....you know that can go both ways.....keep that in mind!!!

How to let go of the past??....I don't think that's easy....but I do think your probably giving it a good shot...when your blogging about it!!!

Have a great day!!!