Monday, May 01, 2006

My Journey of Self-Improvement

Well, I barely survived this weekend. Naturally, Sybil and I had two big arguments. As she sees it, they were all my fault. I see her points on both, but I'm having a hard time coping with the idea that they are this big of a deal.

Argument #1 was on Saturday afternoon. For reasons I won't go into, I had very little sleep the night before. Naturally, we had the whole day planned down to the microsecond. Long story short, Sybil suggested we start cleaning the house for the cleaning lady (don't get me started) instead of waiting for the last minute. I agreed that I didn't want to wait until the last minute but suggested to wait until Sunday (she comes on Tuesday), because we usually have less things going on. She became angry saying that I took what she said and "flushed it down the toilet." I countered by saying I merely contradicted what she said. I agreed about the last minute thing but not about the need to do it in the hour and a half "down time" we had before the next event. Naturally, she countered with the need to work on things with the time we have rather than procrastinate. Sunday rolls around, and we don't have time to work on the house because of church activities that had to be done right then (according to Sybil). The house cleaning was started by me in the hour I had between activities on Sunday. We still have a long way to go. On an aside, a cleaning person sounds great in theory but in practice seems to be creating more marital strife.

Argument #2 started last night. We finally get home around 8:30pm. Sybil and I had nothing to eat for dinner. Since she is taking some high dose antibiotics for a skin infection from a bug bite, she must eat every time she takes the medicine. There was some left over fried rice that I was hoping we could share. After getting all my stuff done and coming into the house, I notice that she had eaten all but 2 spoonfuls. I comment that she ate nearly all of it. She states that Son #2 helped. I say "whatever" and proceed to try to find something to eat. Which, by the way, was fruitless because Sybil doesn't grocery shop. My one word seemed to speak volumes to her. She decided I was being uncaring about her condition, I was being rude to her, and basically being a jerk. I explained my irritation of not having anything to eat. I did not mean it as a rude comment. I apologized more than twice. She did not accept it. Sybil felt I was not caring about her situation. I countered that I was the one who talked her into going to the doctor.

Apparently, my journey of self-improvement is going slowly. As I try to improve myself to make Sybil happy, I seem to take one step forward and at least two steps back. Not the way I had envisioned it.

10 comments:

FTN said...

Ick. Nothing worse than those huge arguments that are essentially over something really unimportant.

Both of those show that many women (especially Sybil) are affected more by HOW you say something, than by what you say.

Hey, at least you are working toward self-improvement. Now let's just hope that she tries that too.

aphron said...

The HOW seems to be more important than the WHAT. It is all very frustrating because I truly do not feel all of the things she attributes to me. Does she see me as this horrible person? It seems so.

Lori said...

Sometimes it's best not to say anything....just nod.....LOL

Some people you can't win with no matter what!!!

Have a great day!!!

April said...

Don't mean to sound rude, as I haven't been by here much...but how can anyone improve themselves to make anyone else happy?

Shouldn't you be concentrating on making yourself happy first?

aphron said...

lori-
That's been my problem my whole life. I don't know when to shut up.

daddy's lil girl-
I kind of though the same thing. I'm the selfish one in the marriage. The cleaning lady thing is an open sore to this day. I know it makes no sense but, it is what it is.

april-
My trying to improve myself is not totally about making her happy. I can be a sarcastic, rude SOB at times. I've given up hoping she'll change. She won't. I have to improve myself. As far as making myself happy, that's post of a different day.

All-
Thanks for the comments.

Satan said...

I think you apologise far too often. You make her feel that constantly harping on your tone or your choice of words is the right thing to do.

aphron said...

Satan-

I, probably, am enabling her behavior. I didn't apologize in the first arguement, because I had nothing wrong. It was differing points of view. Also, Sybil is a SAHM, so she it's not like she doesn't have the time. It's called prioritizing.
In the second arguement, I see her side of it. It was said out of irritation and a little anger. She won't get the basic premise of my comment, and where it comes from.
I think, basically, it's a Type A personality living with a Type B personality. There really is no good way to resolve these issues. Although I am trying to make myself into a better person, deep down I know it'll never be good enough for Sybil. That's ok because I will not let her dictate my moods (been there in past relationships).

Thanks for the comments, although it's always a littler disconcerting to be conversing with Satan.

Unknown said...

I would hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if she wants to be angry, no amount of improvements will be able to mask the (inevitably) new "flaws" or problems that will crop up.

aphron said...

"Bitchiness" has crossed my mind. Personally, I think she thrives on confrontation.

My point is make myself better for the sake of myself. I hope that my improvement will help smooth things over. I recognize it may be fruitless. Also, the specter of divorce exists. Self- improvement will be good for the future.

Facets of V said...

Hi Afron, I have been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now...this might be my first comment....you think 'bitchiness', that AND the phrase 'pussy-whipped' comes to mind my mind...when it gets to the point that you apologize for coming in hungry and get annoyed to find that she has so little consideration for you as to have eaten the only thing there to eat...it's pretty bad. Maybe since shes a SAHM...and she can't manage to shop or clean house...she could send a shopping list with the cleaning lady who apparently has her work done for her anyway?? lol...just a thought! Self improvement is wonderful...looks like no matter how good you get tho, the only thing that is gonna please her is....NOTHING really! Good luck in the effort!!!!