Screw it. I can't post anything positive about her right now. Not after yesterday's little spat, which I did not precipitate. We're laying in bed watching Wedding Crashers (campy yet stupid in a fun way). The TV turned itself off (on a timer). I, playfully, fumbled with the remote trying to turn it on. Until this moment Sybil and I were sharing a moment. That disappeared. She moved to the foot of the bed and stayed out of touch. Sensing a playful moment, I tried to stretch out my toes to touch, etc. One thing led to another, and I'm on her playfully nuzzling her ear. Sybil tells me to "get off of her." No smile or anything. Fine. I get off. A few moments later, Sybil says, "you're such a jerk." Ok, fine, whatever. I say some disposable comment. Something to the effect whatever your loss. She says something to the effect of "you don't even know what I'm talking about." I leave to make coffee. As I'm making the coffee, I'm replaying the conversation. I did NOTHING wrong, yet I'm getting abused. Now the question becomes, do I confront her or leave sleeping dogs lie? I confront. Long story short (too late) she blows me off. She even laughed at me at first. She said she was joking. I explained that I'm no longer irritated but I'm pissed off. No apology or anything.
This is the same woman that turned an innocent remark into an hour screaming match, yet I have NEVER called her any name except Sybil (really). I have never laughed at her when she approached me with hurt feelings, which happens quite a lot. I find this whole episode to be quite demeaning. Although I may have a hard time expressing my feelings, do not make it harder by belittling them. I can handle name calling in the heat of the moment. Although I do not remember calling her any derogatory names, being called "asshole" is meaningless to me. Yep, I can be one. However, this case goes beyond the pale.
I apologize fellow bloggers. I had really hoped to paint a more positive picture of Sybil. Right now I cannot. Why do I stay? That is a good question. Off of the top of my head these are the reasons:
- The children. I have three of them. They mean everything to me. I would rather suffer than potentially lose them through divorce.
- Promises. I made a promise to Sybil, myself, and the state I live in to stay married. Since it was a civil ceremony, does that count as a promise to God? Probably. Doesn't matter. I try to do the honorable thing. Leaving a wife and children, to me, is dishonorable.
- Financial ruin. I am lucky enough to earn enough money to support us fairly comfortably. We want for little. In a divorce situation, that would change. Too many stories of men being financially ruined in a divorce scare the heeby-jeebies out of me.
- Fear of failure. I have a strong fear of failing. To me divorce would mean failing. The marriage would have failed.
- Deep down, deep, deep down I still love Sybil. I know that, for all of her flaws, she was given to me for a reason. Bad kharma, maybe? Anyway, she has made some positive changes in me not just bitterness.
**UPDATE** Sybil and I had a long conversation last night about what happened Sunday. Instead of apologizing for demeaning my feelings, she took the time to outline how much of a jerk I really am. Some of the stuff I've blogged about (what happened in Vegas was brought up, mainly). Other stuff I haven't. She had some points that were legitamite. The problem is she warmed up past arguements to defend her position that I'm a jerk. She asked me did I love her and if so what did I do to show it besides going to work everday? I listed: dealing with kids every morning so she could sleep in, not critizing her for her failure of housekeeping duties, helping her on her various projects at church (she has a whole committee, yet I get to help), etc. The fight ended abruptly with her apologizing for calling me a jerk (not for demeaning my feelings) and apologizing for starting the fight. This was totally out of character. Now I'm really worried.
13 comments:
After hearing about the famous Aphron I had to check out your blog. As depressing as looking in a mirror.
Jay (I used to have a blog)
Wow, haven't seen Jay in a longggg time.
As for Sybil... well... nevermind.
jay-
Famous or infamous? Welcome.
so gone-
I know same stuff different day.
"This was totally out of character. Now I'm really worried."
LMAO! Oh wait, you weren't kidding . .
satan-
Exactly.
Well that just sucks. I hope everything works out for you. As a woman, I seriously don't unsderstand women. ;)
lori-
That's because they are as constant as the shifting sand.
I know what it's like to be on the receiving end and have old stuff warmed up and served as leftovers. Not fun. And frustrating/irritating.
On the other hand, I feel like I've been on the other side too. It's not fun to admit, but I've had moments that sound a lot like how she's acting, and I find that it because I'm frustrated that he's not "getting" something hat seems so obvious to me. That's where I think maybe counseling *could* come in handy.
Like I said before, for us, I have not found it works amazingly well as a couple. But separately it seems to be going very well. I think we've been able to express expectations/needs/wants to an impartial third party who's been able to help us realize if they are A) unrealistic or B) reasonable-and then off suggestions on how to ask for discuss what we expect/need/want.
Does that make sense at all?
I think it's really helped me realize that sometimes things aren't so obvious to other people. I get the feeling that she think you should be seeing something that you just aren't for whatever reason.
Or I could be totally wrong. I feel weird offering my 2 cents. But you seem awfully frustrated and thought something I say might help...
mk
swimgirlseries-
I'll be the first to admit that I, sometimes, don't get it. I tend to be wrapped up in the moment and have a hard time stepping back and looking at things in a detached manner. Yes, Sybil feels that I'm not getting it. I feel that she is not getting it, either. As for counselling, I doubt that will be an option for us.
On a sort of side note, I've noticed that these blow-ups occur about one to two days prior to her period starting. After it starts, everything seems to be normal. I have brought that up too, only to be called a rectal orifice. I've about decided to keep a log/journal to verify my suspicions.
For what it's worth, I too think it sounds like she's not getting it either, and it seems too bad as you seem like a good guy.
I feel glad I do seem to be getting it, some of it, and he is too.
That doesn't mean things are fine and dandy, but they are better. I hope things start getting better for you guys too.
mk
1. Can I borrow you list of reasons? That pretty well sums it up for me as well!
2. I wish I understood the whole "warming up old stuff" If we did the same thing... well I am sure you know.
3. swimgirlseries brings up a valid point that I wish all woman would understand. We are NOT women, and we do not get (in general) your double secret probation hints that you provide. Put it on the table and we can deal with it... don't leave me a freakin' breadcrumb trail to follow.
It looks as if Sybil is keeping her reputation up...LOL
Have a great day!!!
I'm sorry. It's very hard when you are unable to communicate. Unable to solve problems. And it's hard to keep trying... I know.
I hope the future goes better.
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