Monday, April 16, 2007

Silence is Golden?

Well, this weekend was almost fun with Sybil. My parents spent the weekend with us. Since the drive is about 6 to 7 hours, we don't see them too often. Son#2 had a baseball tournament, and it rained.

We had managed to play two games before the rain started to come down. Between games the players and parents were standing under an awning trying to keep dry. Sybil sees this and says,"We should move their baseball bags out of the rain and put them under this awning." I grab my son's bag first and put it under the awning. I turn to Sybil, and she was sitting in a folding chair. She sees me standing there and says something to the effect of "Well, aren't you going to bring the other bags in?" There was no mention nor any indication that she was going to get off her duff and help. I give my patented "Eat S@#t and Die" look and mumble a smart remark. I grab the bags and place them under the awning. Whatever.

Driving home from the game, we decide to stop at the grocery store to pick up some essentials. We are in the check out lane, and Sybil realizes that she doesn't have her grocery store member card with her. I know that this important because she loves the fact that she gets an extra few cents off per gallon of gas, if she puts so much on the card. I, happily, go out into the cold rain and get her other purse from the car. I bring the purse to the checkout lane and hand it to her. She says, "You didn't have to bring the whole purse. All I needed was the card." No expression of gratitude. I give her another look. Whatever.

When we get home, I notice that I'm getting the silent treatment. With my parents still there, I do not want to make a big fuss over anything. I wait until I know everyone is asleep, and I ask her what is wrong. Sybil is "disappointed" with me because of how I acted in front of friends and my parents. She makes no mention of her actions, which created my reaction. When I point out her actions and her rudeness, there is no apology, there isn't even a coherent excuse. Sybil is focused on how I acted in front others. Granted I could have acted better. I could have waited until no one was around and point out the error of her ways, but couldn't she have treated me better in front of others, too? Couldn't she have been nicer (or at least polite)?

We are at a stalemate. Sybil will not admit any wrong doing. Since my reactions were a response to her rudeness, I cannot admit any wrong doing. Also, I know that if I had done the same thing to her, I would have been chewed out. Although I could have handled myself better, Sybil has to realize that she not innocent either. So now she is not talking to me. I initiated conversation last night, which went nowhere. Silence is golden? Or, is silence the calm before the storm?

5 comments:

Recovering Soul said...

I dont think silence is golden. Bottling up the thoughts and feelings is not a good thing.

Trueself said...

Definitely no gold in this silence. I think you better batten down the hatches and prepare for the impending storm.

Anonymous said...

Irrational is as irrational does.

Brace for impact.

Colleen said...

Nobody will win this arguement, because nobody can. She treated you poorly, and you acted in kind and now you are at a stalemate.

Something that I repeat to myself throughout the day when I get frustrated with things (sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't) is: The only person's behavoir you can control is your own. There were other ways to react to Sybil's rudeness -- jokingly (come on dear, help with the bags and we'll be singing in the rain together), head-on (well, I don't feel like being the only person getting wet -- please help me), etc. Or you could have waited until you got home and explained how her behavior made you feel.

You are in control of what happens next. Good luck! Colleen

Anonymous said...

It pains me to see somebody else write a post so similar to my own life.

Those that commented before me are right about no gold in the silence, although I would venture that this particular episode is basically over, and the rest of it is just stored up for "The List" of things you do wrong the next time you have a fight.

Some tips to dealing with Sybil from my own experiences with my own personal brand of Sybil. Never confuse the "We" when something unpleasant has to be done to mean anything but "YOU" Because you are the man, and you should handle any unpleasant tasks, like getting wet to put things away, etc.

Second, the purse was a no win scenario, if you rooted through her purse to find the card, you would have either heard about how ou tussled everything and should have just brought the whole purse in, or (worse) "Why did you go through her purse?" No win dude, just accept it as proof of Occam's Razor.