To set it up: the kids are out of school for Veteran's Day. Son#1 has a doctor's appointment at 11:00 am. Son #2 spent the night at a friend's house. I'm the only one that got up and went to work (I went home briefly for lunch; the house was still a mess).
It's 12:15 pm, and I'm leaving my office to have lunch. I check my phone for text messages and read:
Talked to friend's mom am. Still have son#2 and said she will dropoff son#2 @ office before going to place am. Just FYI! She called...going to fast food restaurant for lunch. Call to make arrangements. Piano @ 1:45pm.
Unfortunately, I haven't shifted gears mentally from work to personal. I skimmed the message. I missed "Call to make arrangements." I got hung up on FYI. Since Sybil and the other two kids are stuck at the doctor's office, I was on my own for lunch. Now, I hate going to fast food restaurant. The food is overpriced, doesn't fill me up, and the traffic to and fro is horrible. I decide to get gas and run home for a quick lunch and be back in time for friend's mom to drop off Son#2. I get a text message from Sybil instructing me to call friend's mom (Sybil is stuck in a doctor's office and doesn't want to use the cell phone). I call friend's mom, and she says they have just sat down and started eating. Well, I figure no problem. The SOP is eat and then play a while on the indoor playground. I've got time for lunch at home and be back at the office before Son#2 has to be dropped off.
I'm sitting at home about to eat lunch, when I get a voice call from Sybil. When she finds out I'm at home, she goes ballistic. She wants to know why I'm at home, when friend's mom has to go to
place! I should have gone to fast food restaurant and had lunch there and taken Son#2 with me back to the office to make it easier on friend's mom. I explained that I had talked with her, and she told me they had just sat down to eat. Sybil continues to go off. Didn't I read her text message? Didn't I see where they were going to place? I said I read it, but I didn't think they had to go to place right now. The kids had just started eating lunch. No! Friend's mom has to go now. I say "Ok, ok. I'll go and get Son#2. I've got time. I'm sorry. I must have misread the text message." Sybil says that she should have known better than to schedule something that has to have me involved in it. She should have known to make sure she can do it by herself, because I am unable or unwilling to help out.
I'm in dog house big time here. I should have taken more time and reread the text message. I feel that it is an honest mistake. However, I guess I make too many of those.
5 comments:
Well, from a lady's point of view...and since I'm not Sybil, I can be honest here...it's not really that something is wrong with you, most guys just miss this or would react this way...however we (girls, ladies, women!) just want things the way we want them to be when we want it...regardless if it makes a lot of sense or not...never mind if the end result is something monumental or otherwise, just do it our way... :P
just let it pass...and tell her you are sorry...? :D
Isn't that a bit insane? Isn't that saying it's better to just let her have her way? Creating mountains out of mole hills takes too much energy. It wastes that energy that could be used for something more productive. Right?
Even if you did misread a text message (geez, tell her to call you next time), if you are accurately representing how she reacts, then she needs a serious talking-to. I think I'd probably tell her on the phone, "When you grow up and act like an adult, in that you can have this conversation with me without yelling and blowing up, please call me back." Click.
Although I assume that would just make things worse...
Well, sorta right. The bottom line of the story is you can't change her. She's gonna be like this regardless so you are left with either changing how you manage yourself or living knowing these episodes are inevitable.
Notice that I did not say "change yourself" but rather "change how you manage yourself". There is a big difference. Getting only part of the message is a choice not simply 'the way you are'. To a spouse (somewhat moreso with women, but not exclusively) when you don't pay full attention it feels like you are ignoring rather than making an honest mistake.
Is it making a mountain out of a mole-hill? Yes, if the only issue was arguing over the details of the message. The real issue is, were you paying attention? That's more than a mole-hill (though maybe somewhat smaller than the mountain).
And, while I'm not the President of the Attention Deficit Husbands Club, I am a member in good standing hoping some day to drop out. But that day is not today I'm afraid, so I'm often in the same boat on the same crick with no paddle.
Hi Aphron. I finally made over to your place. Wish I had found it sooner.
I have been accused of not caring, because I miss hearing or misread things. I hate that! Sometimes I think I care more than anyone else. But all we can do is what we know to do. I mean, in this case you apologized, tried to make it right, and have determined how to prevent misunderstandings in the future. Do you reallize how awesome that is? Well, let me tell you that's HUGE!
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