I had posted earlier about dreading last weekend due to it being our anniversary. Wife usually has some sort of melt down and ruins it. Almost happened again. She started probing by bringing up minor irritations about what transpired earlier that day. Can't seem to say anything positive about the fact we stayed together 24 years (beating the odds in more ways than one). Nope. Anyway, I handled it by being the grey rock. Rest of the night went fairly well.
Apparently, she was just saving it for later? Last night had a major argument. Our arguments go like this: wife gets triggered by something I said, didn't say, did, or didn't do. This leads to her being upset. Her upsettedness (not a word) is magnified because I do not humble myself at her feet. She expects me to broach the subject of her being upset. The longer she waits the more Tee'd off she becomes until she is, literally, throwing a fit. So last night was no exception. To top it all off, we have a guest staying with us. Therefore, she had to with hold her rage. Additionally, I demanded that she not speak nor act disrespectfully towards me in front of the kids. I guess she could no longer pack it in and how to let it out. I heard myself being called a "selfish bastard" and "I should punch you in the face". All because I didn't broach the subject of her hurt feelings. I was always taught the aggrieved party does the confronting.
Some things will have to change. Since every bed was occupied, I had no where to go. My task is to pack a "go bag" with clothes and cash, just in case. I need to investigate some sort of recording app for smart phones. I need to sureptitously record these "conversations".
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
3 comments:
Yeah, boundary setting with a PD is always a rocky road, especially with one who has had it her way for the better part of a quarter century. Expect loads of push back. Tons of testing. Spite, rage and spitting wrath and the whole nine yards. In her warped PD view she believes she has every right to mistreat you, that she's perfectly entitled because of some reason of her own making she believes you "deserve" it. And for no longer allowing her to mistreat you as she always has, you must also be punished. So you'll you have to stick really hard to your guns to keep defining these relationship boundaries and follow up with real consequences when tested. It's hard, hard work. But, it sounds as though there is progress -- letting her know that the days of disrespectful treatment and speech towards you in front of the kids are over is a great step in the right direction . Keep on keeping on.
I guess it's progress. In this case progress is measured in inches. I am trying to keep the momentum going. The problem is I do not see an end. As far as I can see, there is no end...just more of the same.
"Endeavor to persevere."
Just came across your blog from OOF and I thought I was the only one who always had 4 possibilities for an argument - something I said, didn't say, something I did or didn't do. We are in much the same boat!
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