Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Saga Continues

Last night Sybil came home from Bonko with an interesting observation: the other women were amazed that she wins all of the arguments. The running joke I have is that, when I said "I do," my balls were locked up with Sybil having the key.

That indicates to me that much of what Sybil is I've allowed to be created. By not standing up for myself, I allowed her to fill that void. The problem lies in our different personalities. In an old post I mentioned that Sybil has a "scorched earth" style of arguing. She is VERY persistent and stubborn. Once she stakes out her position, it is a monumental task to change that position. Unfortunately, I tend to try to be a consensus builder. I want everyone to be happy. I want both sides to be heard and to meet somewhere in the middle. Mix in an aversion to confrontation and that adds up to a monster that, although I didn't create, I allowed to roam free.

I need to improve my debating style. I need to stake out my position and, rationally, defend it. It stems from a form of laziness. When these arguments come about, it's usually at the end of the day, and I'm tired (Sybil operates on ~9 hours of sleep. I get ~6).

Honestly, if it weren't for the kids and my fear of poverty, I would have left already. I hate thinking that, much less typing that. I was brought up to believe that married people stay married, no matter how painful it is. Also, this goes against my Judeo-Christian beliefs. Probably the kids and the fact that divorce courts are stacked against men hold more power over me.

To be continued...

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Meeting Myself Coming

Things are still pretty busy with work and personal life. Apparently, I'm down to monthly posting. Part of the reason is that Sybil and I are spending A LOT of time together. Since work has become more than I can handle alone, I've brought her in to help. With her detail oriented, micromanaging style, it's a wonder we're still together. Love is a many a wonderful thing.

Nothing exciting to report on the home front. We've had a couple of blowups but nothing major. After a lot of introspection, I'm beginning to think that my libido isn't down. I'm beginning to think its my desire for Sybil that is. Don't get me wrong, I love Sybil. I think I need a break from her. Not a separation or anything. Just some time to myself. I have a hard time being with the same person (friend or significant other) all the time. I just need a break.

Hopefully, I'll be posting more than monthly. We'll see.