Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Another Post

I felt the need to that's what I'm doing. Just a quickie update.

Things with Sybil are ok. Not great but not awful either. I guess I have come to terms with my lot in life.

Marriage is definitely difficult. I won't lie and say I'm easy to live with either. However, I've learned things about Sybil over the last 18 years that I didn't know, when we were dating. Kind of a bait and switch, really.

Ultimately, it's about control. Sybil loves to be in control (ironically, she hates making decisions, though). Case in point: we were at the Post Office early one morning to mail some packages. There are a couple of cars in the parking lot. As I was about to back up to leave our parking space, Sybil starts fussing about my plan to back out of the space. Why not pull forward and loop around? That's so much easier. Well, not really, but Sybil hates putting the car in reverse. That discomfort was transferred to me. Therefore, she nags at me about not backing out of the space.

Back when I was enamored with Sybil, that would have seemed like an isolated incident. Now I know her oh so well. It ties in beautifully with my last post about control. The problem is that I truly don't understand the need to critique everything I do. It's tiring.

See, the thing is I hate being controlled. I hate being told what I can and cannot do. I bristle at authority. Therefore, the thing with Sybil's need for control in all aspects really creates a lot of tension for me. It causes me to act out in ways that may be self-destructive. For example, Sybil's need to control our sex life. She has the need to control how it is done. I've taken to controlling the when. I know it's passive-aggressive. However, I've spoken to her on more than one occasion. Sadly, her selfishness can't see beyond her needs and into mine. So I don't try as much. It's isn't exciting. I used to try different methods, positions, etc. only to be rebuffed. So what's the point?