Wednesday, May 25, 2005

What the Hell?!?

After last weekend, this is what I look like. It ain't pretty is it? Hopefully, the long weekend will put things in order. Hopefully. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

She's Insane

So it was last Saturday and we were rushing around as usual. I had worked that morning and went home for a quick lunch and then to haul off some household trash. She went with the kids to Son #1's activity. There was much stress to be had by all. I called her to check in and see what was up. She informed me that Son #1 was being a jerk: complaining about being tired, no food, etc. She asked me what time his ball game was that afternoon. I looked at my PDA and told her. She asked me, "Are you sure, because that seems earlier than usual." I looked at my PDA again and said yes. I remember saying that is what it says on my PDA; she remembers hearing me say that's what it says. Now, unbeknownst to me, she had programmed all of the start time 30 min to 1 hour earlier than they actually started. I told her the time that was on my PDA then went about collecting stuff to be hauled off.

A few hours later she came home totally pissed off because of the afore mentioned Son. He had managed to push all of her buttons all day. As a matter of fact, I felt relief in knowing she wasn't mad at me and tried to keep a low profile. Anyway, she was still unsure about the start time and pulled that printout the coach gave us. Low and behold it was going to be another hour and half before game time. I said sorry but that what was on my PDA. Well, that signaled the start of it all. You see I should have known to double check my source. Obviously, I do not care about her, love her, or want to be helpful in anyway. When she asked me "are you sure?", I should have known to find that piece of paper (placed only she knew where) and double check the source. How thoughtless, how inconsiderate of me. It is obvious I do not care.

I do not get it. If she would have told me from the beginning that the times in the PDA were not the actual times, I would have a) told her what the source was (which I thought I did anyway) or b) double checked to see what time it started from the original source. This has precipitated a running fight for five days. The fight was exacerbated by the fact that I did not know what goes on her hamburgers (another long story). What the hell! How can one take that and extrapolate me not loving her or caring about her? I need a referee to give an impartial decision.

I have started to notice these outbreaks are much more frequent approximately one week prior to her period. Hormones must be powerful stuff.

Then, last night she falls asleep at about 10:00. I go do my usual Monday night workout routine, get finished about 11:15, take a shower, and am in bed by 11:40 or so. Today she asks me why I didn't try something. Well, let's see: your insane? I'm tired? If you want it bad enough, stay awake? Take your pick.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Open Letter to Single Men

For those men, who are single, let me say this: Stay that way. Although I believe in the sanctity of marriage, the reality can be a bitch. Today's marriage is tough. What is in it for a man to be married? Let's try to sort this out.

Free sex. That is the biggest lie out there. For one thing there is nothing free about it. Everything that a man owns is now 50% his spouse's. Ms. Ireland of the NOW may have been on to something to say that marriage is legalized prostitution. Also, the amount and the quality of the sex decreases. In all fairness this not directly related to the wife. When children enter the picture, there is more stress and less time. Suddenly, the carefree sex life is gone. No more fooling around in the middle of the day. Both spouses tend to work outside of the home. This creates even more stress. Ask anyone what stress does to your libido. It usually snuffs it out.

Companionship. Bullshit. Stewart Copeland of the Police said it best that "every girl I go out with becomes my mother in the end." This only becomes worse when married. That wonderful woman becomes a harpy. The nagging never stops. The making a federal case out of every situation escalates. This creates tension and stress in the marriage. See above as to what happens next.

Children. Although I love my kids and cannot imagine life without them, this is really the only reason to be married and stay married. I still cling to the notion that two parents are better than one or a village. Children are a joy and a blessing. If one is going to have children, then raise them and make their upbringing central to your life. Once a couple has children, the issue of divorce becomes very sticky. Of my friends, the ones from divorced families tend to have the most issues. I do not believe in divorce, when children are an issue.

In closing, hear me, when I talk about marriage. In theory it is a wonderful thing. However, in practice it can be a living hell. If you choose not to heed my advice, then woe be it unto you. From a man's point of view, marriage's stereotypes are totally true. Look around at the men who have been married for any length of time. They typically live in their wife's shadow. They will have that 1000-yard stare. These men are nothing but a hollow shell of their former selves.