Monday, January 26, 2009

Not in the Mood

1 Corinthians 7:3-5.

That passage is the Apostle Paul telling the folks in Corinth that married couples should be getting it on. It even talks about the husband owning the wife's body, and the wife owning the husband's body. What does that mean? Is a wife supposed to submit control over to her husband? Husband to wife? Control still keeps cropping up. In today's post, boys and girls, I am setting that aside. You see, I am not in the mood.

I have chronicled Sybil's and my interactions fairly faithfully up until recently. I stopped, because I saw it as a form of complaining and inaction. Just because I have lessened my posting on Sybil does not mean things have really improved.

It seems that I am not in the have sex with my wife. At this moment in time, if I had choose between sex with Sybil and reading an interesting book, I'd choose the book. We have not had sex in over 2 weeks. Now, that may not be a long time for some, but that is a long time for us. The stress of marriage and the stress of work seemed to have sapped my desire away.

The decrease is almost scary. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would be going through this. Maybe raw oysters are needed?


Thursday, January 08, 2009

Control Continued...

I've just gotten around to trying to catch up on everyone's blogs. I just read Digger's latest post. He tends to be a very introspective person and is struggling to obtain more sex. He wrote:
Sexual leftovers is what every couple has when it comes to sex. Each person makes a list of what is too disgusting and perverted and then the other person makes their list and then you agree on the leftovers. That’s what you call compromise, right? But that leads to sexual boredom which leads to tension and eventual gridlock. At some point, the anxiety comes to a head and then has to be dealt with.

I'll be posting on this thought soon. It is very enlightening and ties in with my last post.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009


How many of us yearn for control? How many need that illusion of being in control of one's life, or at least certain aspects?

Too many times people try to maintain control of situations, themselves, others. There are different ways of exerting control. No matter the method the result is the same: maintaining that illusion.

The reality is this: no one has control. Period. I may get diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and die in a few months. I may have a terrible car accident and be permanently maimed. Any one of a million things could happen. In a blink of an eye that illusion is shattered.

I am thinking about this because of a conversation Sybil and I had last night. Last night was her regular, monthly Bonko get together. For those that don't know Bonko is the excuse women use to get together, drink, eat, and talk about their family. Oh, there may some kind of game of chance involved. I digress. Her Bonko group has been undergoing some changes, so there is less game playing and more drinking and having a good time. I do not have a problem with that. I think time away with personal pursuits is important in a marriage. No, the irony is this new direction. Next month they are going to have a bowling night. The month after that will be sex toy night. Now, I am a normal man. The thought of my wife attending a sex toy night made my "juices flow." However, after a moment's thought, I realized this will be leading to nothing.

Sybil loves control. She stated that she is frustrated in her life because she does not have enough control. There is no better example of Sybil's need to control than sex. She will be the first to admit she loves sex. She would want it nearly everyday. However, the sex must be within her boundaries. Going outside of those boundaries is surrendering her control and cannot be allowed.

This brings up some interesting confusion. Sybil wants to be controlled during sex. She has some submissive qualities about her during sex. However, she has a narrow list of things that can be done. This creates the illusion of being out of control while still being in control. It can be confusing. Are you with me so far? This is confusing because she wants to be in control while being controlled.

One of the glaring examples is initiation of sex. I have to be the one to initiate. If I do not and Sybil is in the mood, I am made to feel like I don't want her. She rarely initiates (9 out of 10 times I initiate). When I do initiate it, the same thing happens every single time: she lays back and goes along for the ride. I have no doubt she really enjoys it and really is having a good time. Sadly, sex has become another chore for me to do around the house.

Finally, the total irony of this sex toy night is it will do nothing for our bedroom antics. Sybil had received a couple of small sex toys as part of a white elephant gift about 3 Christmases ago at this Bonko gathering. She laughed about it. When I brought up trying some of the stuff (personal lubricant, hand held massager, edible panties), she just laughed, rolled her eyes and put the stuff away in the closet. Never to be seen again. Using some of this stuff might mean Sybil had to relinquish some control.