Monday, September 18, 2006

Not Back in the Saddle Again

Thank you for being patient. I didn't mean to have a hiatus. It just happened. Honest. I've had some things come up, so my time available for blogging has diminished. Also, I felt like I was beginning to sound like a broken record. Although I started this blog to vent my frustrations with Sybil, my posts were starting to take on a "whiny" quality, to me anyway. The crossroads was what I could post about, besides the intermittent conflict with Sybil and me. I'm sorry to say that something else has come up: my libido has disappeared.

I'm not sure where it went. It didn't leave a forwarding address. I don't know, if this is a temporary holiday or if it left town for good. It boils down to being a little scary. Until this point, I felt that I was pretty average about my needs. I tend to be average in every way, and my libido was no exception. I was happy with my ~3 episodes a week. Unfortunately, these last few weeks I would rather sleep than get it on.

What are causes of a low libido in a man? This is uncharted territory for me. Is it stress at work? Work has been stressful, but I'm not sure it is any more stressful than usual. Is it stress at home? Well, reading my blog gives one the sense of how stressful home can be. After 13 years of marriage, I'm not sure it is any more stressful. Am I ill? I feel physically fine. In fact, I'm in better shape at 37 than at 27. Has Sybil let herself go? No, she looks great. Am I bored? Possibly. I can't imagine that causing such a lowering of the libido. As a test, I looked at pornography sites, and there was no reaction. Unusual for me. Am I numb to it? Maybe. I stopped looking at those sites for a long time, because I was afraid of what they might do. I was afraid of producing unrealistic needs.

At first glance, it would be easy to blame Sybil for my decline. Her boundaries are pretty tight. However, that seems like an easy way out. A cop out. I'm still trying to figure out how much of this problem I own and how much is hers. Maybe I'm being neurotic. If so, that's a new thing for me, too. I do think that living the stress at the office and then reliving it with Sybil doesn't help. By the time I have retold my day's exploits, I'm exhausted.

I sat down with Sybil last night to voice my concerns. She had noticed a decline, but she attributes that to us being tired. I have my days of being totally wiped out, and she definitely has to have about ten hours of sleep to function. The other thing she attributes it to are the arguments about her boundaries. We all have boundaries. I will, under no circumstances, engage in sexual activities with midgets. Sybil feels that I am uncertain as to what I can and cannot do. That's part of it too. When the clothes come off, isn't that when the fun begins? Do I have to worry about pushing her too far? I'm not talking about anything wild, either.

My heart goes out to the women with low libido men. I think their men are doing them a disservice. I feel that I am letting Sybil down in that regard. It isn't fair to not have one's needs met. I'm supposed to meet her needs as best as I can.

Maybe I'm thinking too much.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

The Fork in the Road

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it." -- Yogi Berra

That's kind where I'm at right now. Things are going ok. I'm not dead or even very sleepy. Kind of in a bit of a cross roads. I'll post more later. Just wanted to let all of my readers (both of them) know that I'm still alive.