Tuesday, March 02, 2021

Resentment...The Never Ending Story

Definition of resentment

Well...haven't posted in awhile.  Nothing has really changed.  I am still working on myself and how I interact with Sybil.  Old habits die hard.I could document another blow-up with Sybil.  Short version: she likes to work; undertakes a project and focuses on it exclusively; supposedly wanted to be near me whilst working; kept bedroom light on thereby making it impossible for me to sleep.  When confronted she went into full defensive mode up to and including making herself the victim.  She even threw our 6 yo under the bus.  Did not really take responsibility for her uncaring attitude.  Continued indignation at being called out.Per WebMD:Resentment describes a negative emotional reaction to being mistreated. There is no one cause of resentment, but most cases involve an underlying sense of being mistreated or wronged by another person. The right solution for resentment depends mainly on its cause and the individual. The path to healing involves forgiveness and finding a way to make peace with what happened so you can move on with life. I am the poster child of someone with resentment.  I try to let it go.  I really, really do.  I do not think resentment can be let go, since I am living with the person causing it.  The wounds are never allowed to heal, as new ones are created.Resentment manifests itself in many ways, but for me there are mainly two:I was much more quick to anger.  I say "was" because I have worked mightily at "Grey Rock".  It helps me maintain my center and deal with Sybil.The biggest manifestation is a kind of malaise/depression.  It has totally killed my libido.  I crave to be left alone.  I do not want to be near her negativity.  I have no desire for sex...at all.  This is not normal.  Bringing this up to her (no...I never divulge the cause. I just say it from the amorphous "stress"), does no good.  She acts as if it is solely my problem, and I should just deal with it.  I am treated as a hypochondriac. Basically, same ol' same ol'.  People do not change unless they choose to make an honest go of it.  Sybil seems disinclined to do so.  For my part, I am working on it.  I can only maintain my side of the road.  I pray everyday that I will, somehow, have this feeling lifted from my shoulders.