Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Sybil's 180 continued

We last left our intrepid husband wondering "What the hell?" Sybil had become someone else. Was this to remain or was this to change back? Which personality would he get? Would she continue in this vein of trying to be more loving and patient, or would her anger get the best of her? What brought all of this on?

Well, from that last post I can say she has worked on improving. Sybil has worked to being more affectionate and less angry. We still have arguments. We had a doozy last night over how to fold undershirts and making sure the correct boy's underwear goes to the correct boy. It lasted a long time. What sets this argument apart from previous ones is the aftermath. She did not seem resentful (digger wrote a good post on resentment that I'll add to soon). I did not feel that I was in a fencing match.

I wrote about some potential health issues, and how they may be contributing to Sybil's working towards change. I think that was only part of the reason. Although she may be seeing tangible, physical problems from the stress I have, Sybil also has seen many couples divorce lately. In our church there are 5 couples that have just divorced or will soon divorce for one reason or another. I believe that Sybil has been hit with the potential reality of us divorcing. Either she leaving me, or me leaving her.

Sybil has become realistic about marriage. She has started to understand that it isn't always fun. Probably, she knew that on an intellectual level but not emotionally. She was always looking at me as the source of her unhappiness (see above about folding undershirts and underwear size determination). The other day she said that she was happy about 70 to 80% with our marriage. I'd say that's not bad. Of course, I didn't tell her about me being happy about 50% of the time. In an earlier time I might have, but I see her making strides.

I understand that married people fight. I'm not asking for no fighting. I'm asking for less vitriol. Less anger. Less open hostility. So far, I seem to be getting it. Now it is up to me to work on my resentment.

Coming soon...
Resentment: It's What's for Breakfast
also I'm Ok; You're Freakin' Psycho!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007


Valentine's Day...an opportunity to express love OR another way for women to receive gifts? You decide.

I'll be posting more on Sybil's 180 later. For now, I hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day.

Monday, February 12, 2007


Well, things are improving with Sybil and me, for now. She has really toned down her bitchiness. She has really worked hard to show her loving side to me. We've even had sex once, since the last post.

What brought this on? Well, it wasn't me confronting her. I did that. She apologized and then less than 12 hours later she was still snapping at me over little stuff. Confronting her is still a major chore. Sybil became very defensive, so her talking down to me circles back to it being my fault. No, she went into a 15 minute spiel about how, if I had only done A,B, and C, then she would not have snapped at me. Forget that is there a really a need to suddenly get up and make sure the kids have cleaned the basement? That argument lasted ~4 or 5 hours.

No, what brought this on was blood in my stool. It was enough for me to call her, slightly panicked. I'm healthy and not even 40, so I believe I am developing a bleeding ulcer. Sybil has finally realized that the stress of work and stress she creates at home may be taking a physical toll on me. Despite my efforts of telling her that constant arguing of stupid, small, petty shit (pardon the pun), is not conducive to a long and happy marriage. It seems I have to have something become seriously wrong to be taken seriously.

Now the question: is too late? I've posted on resentment. Unfortunately, I have a significant amount of resentment built up towards her. Although she has made strides in the past 5 days or so, am I able to just let it go? I know I should. I know I must for us to move forward. It is proving more difficult than I imagined.

Friday, February 02, 2007

How Much is a Future Spouse Worth?

And now back to our regularly scheduled complaining.

Sybil and I were watching TV the other night, and one of those credit card commercials came on. It was the one about the mixed race couple that was about to get married. The future son-in-law has to meet the bride's parents at the airport. You know the one, right?

Anyway, during the commercial it was said that the ring was $9000. That's $9K. I commented (aside: I need to learn to keep my mouth shut) that it was silly to spend so much on a ring for a couple just starting out. I stated that the money would be better spent on a lesser expensive ring and the rest towards buying a house.

That didn't sit well with Sybil. It seems that I am a cold-hearted person. I only care about the cost of something, rather than whether or not it comes from the heart. If the perfect ring cost $20k, then that is ok, because it's perfect. After all, Sybil's sister has $15k ring. Of course, Sybil didn't say that her sister never wears it for fear of something happening to it. She actually wears a fake copy of the original.

This two hour "discussion" led to worry about a couple of things:
  1. Sybil and I are very different in our approach to money.
  2. We should have had this conversation waaaaay before getting married.
To me a $9k ring is like a $45k wedding. Only worse. The groom, in theory, can enjoy the wedding. With a ring, the only person enjoying it is the bride. With a ring that expensive, that becomes a female version of a "pissing contest." It's about status.

What's the answer to the question? I don't know, but apparently I was wrong to say that. At least out loud.