The above statement is setting me free. I find that repeating it to my head really helps me focus on Joy. From Merium-Webster:
I find it interesting that Sybil cannot find Joy. Nothing is good enough for her. This isn't just her approach to me, but also her approach to everyone and everything. I think she gets more "joy" out of food than anything else (yes...she has really packed on some weight). I stand back and examine her lack of joy.
People that are of a negative bent really suck the Joy out of life. No one likes to be around them. For me, my Joy is inversely proportional to the amount of time I spend with her. I find myself having less anxiety and are more calm. I have written extensively about how Sybil treats me and others her in this bog over the years. Thankfully, I have had many commentors provide helpful insight and advice. If not for these wonderful people, I might have been stuck an a morass of self-loathing. My Stockholm Syndrome would have kept me in a perpetual state of self-defeat and self-blaming.
So...I am finding Joy. I have had to swallow a bitter pill of realizing that I will not get Joy from Sybil. Instead, I have Joy because of my kids. I have Joy because my strawberry plants have strawberries, and I have Joy because the blueberry bush I thought was dead has now sprouted leaves. These little things provide Joy in my life and a distraction from my marriage.
On another note, this blog has kind of run its course. I will still be writing, but I will be starting vlogs from Youtube. Stay tuned...
