Thursday, May 30, 2019

Finding Joy in a Joyless

No one is responsible for my emotional state of mind but me.  I can only control myself.  

The above statement is setting me free.  I find that repeating it to my head really helps me focus on Joy.  From Merium-Webster:

I find it interesting that Sybil cannot find Joy.  Nothing is good enough for her.  This isn't just her approach to me, but also her approach to everyone and everything.  I think she gets more "joy" out of food than anything else (yes...she has really packed on some weight).  I stand back and examine her lack of joy.

People that are of a negative bent really suck the Joy out of life.  No one likes to be around them.  For me, my Joy is inversely proportional to the amount of time I spend with her.  I find myself having less anxiety and are more calm.  I have written extensively about how Sybil treats me and others her in this bog over the years.  Thankfully, I have had many commentors provide helpful insight and advice.  If not for these wonderful people, I might have been stuck an a morass of self-loathing.  My Stockholm Syndrome would have kept me in a perpetual state of self-defeat and self-blaming.

So...I am finding Joy.  I have had to swallow a bitter pill of realizing that I will not get Joy from Sybil.  Instead, I have Joy because of my kids.  I have Joy because my strawberry plants have strawberries, and I have Joy because the blueberry bush I thought was dead has now sprouted leaves.  These little things provide Joy in my life and a distraction from my marriage.

On another note, this blog has kind of run its course.  I will still be writing, but I will be starting vlogs from Youtube.  Stay tuned...