I haven't died, kidnapped by space aliens, or fallen off the face of the planet. Truth-be-told, I lost interest in blogging. I think this happens to a lot of bloggers. For most of us, it is a hobby...maybe even an obsession. Eventually, that hobby kinds of fades away. Having said (written?) that, I do feel moved to write an update about my situation.
There is no update. My situation is, basically, the same. Sybil is the same. Our stress level is the same (high). I wish I could say we have made some strides into improving things. We have not. I think it boils down to a "Frog and Scorpion" kind of thing. I feel that I will be posting more here because I have a feeling that things are disintegrating. I feel that, if it were not for the kids, she would have left by now. She has made threats about divorcing me. I don't deal well with threats or ultimatums. Each time she makes that threat, I call her bluff. Most of it emotional bluster, but who knows?
It would seem that I will be reviving the blog, if for no other purpose, but to document things. In my profession, we have to extensively document to protect ourselves. This situation is no different.
Therefore, let us examine the latest event.
Let me preface by saying we had planned on seeing a movie for quite some time. A new movie theater had been built that was supposed to be awesome. We explained to the kids that they could not go to the movies until we had gone. This was explained over and over again. Now, on the night before we were supposed to go (I bought tickets several days prior), we had a big argument. To be honest Sybil became enraged with me. Sybil, Daughter, and I were in the bedroom at night; working. The television was on and I had headphones on. Sybil asked for my help with something on her computer. Since I was in the middle of something, I told her I would help her in a minute. Unbeknownst to me, I started watching TV. It was an unconscious act. Sybil saw this; slammed her laptop shut; and said she was done (she was working on Christmas cards). I could tell that she was upset. I apologized and immediately stopped what I was doing and started to help. Daughter and I started working on the Christmas cards. Sybil stopped and started another task. She would not longer participate in helping. Eventually, it got late Daughter went to bed. Then it began. Sybil was very angry. It stems from the fact that I stopped working and was watching TV, instead of helping her. I apologized. She was not mollified. Sybil went on and on. We were up to 2 AM arguing. Finally, I told her that no one TOLD her to do the Christmas cards. She took that upon herself. Her vitriol does not fit the infraction. I apologized many times for being distracted. To no affect. Finally, I told her that the conversation was over and I went to sleep.
The new day arrived (the day of the movie). Sybil is still upset, barely talking to me. We rehashed the previous night's conversation. Again, I apologized (she did not feel I was apologizing sincerely nor correctly). I explained that she needs to get ready to go to the movie. She says she's not going. Despite my protestations, she was unmoved. I took Son #2, instead. Son #2 and I watched the movie, but the whole time I was stewing in anger and frustration. I did not enjoy myself. She won. The next day she admitted to "cutting off her nose to spite her face".
I am at my wits' end. I do not know how to handle the immaturity of this woman. This woman that is quite intelligent and insightful. My life is miserable.
The "Red Pill" would instruct me to not care about her emotional outbursts or her spitefulness. It would say that a parent does not care about the outbursts of a small child, so why should a husband care about the emotional outbursts of crazed woman? Sadly, the "Red Pill" has to have a bit of shallowness that I do not possess. I truly care about other's well being, especially my wife's. We are stuck. I do not know how to proceed. I will not divorce her (we have 4 kids and my faith). I need to find excuses to get away from her. I need to find ways to be around her less. What a terrible thing to think much less write. She's my wife!
Interestingly, I see the same pattern of immaturity in Son #1's girlfriend. I see this pattern in my mother. Is this the state of woman? Or, did I pass this along to my son. Things have been so contentious for so long that Son #2 has decided he is never getting married.
The struggle continues...