Saturday, March 31, 2007

No! Really?!?

Science has proven what I've always believed: women are angrier than men.

How often have we seen a wife talk down to her husband? Hit her husband for a silly comment? Have we come to believe nothing of it?

As cataloged here, my marital experiences mirror the results of the study. Sybil is allowed to get angry over any, little thing. Although she is not passive - aggressive, she has to really work to control her anger. Truly, she feels that she is justified in her behavior. Her reaction to me is my fault, I am able to control her emotions (apparently).

One of the comments posted on Dr. Helen's blog might shed some incite:
Well in a futile attempt at getting back to the question at hand, my experience has been that women behave passive-aggressively by demonstrating disapproval. For all our bluster, boys and men seek the approval of women. It begins sometime in middle school. I would venture that few men had girls falling at their feet but rather were consigned to trying to gain some girl's attention from amongst the multitudes of admires. This awareness of women's approval or disapproval becomes a primal force. Many women I've experienced understand this and use it as a weapon. It is usually worse when the man is not meeting some unspoken expectation of the woman. Not keeping her in the manner she feels she should or not having the job she feels is more socially appropriate. I know several men who found themselves divorced these very "failures." Not all women are like this mind you, a fortunate situation for us men. The longterm effect of this is that many men just stop seeking the company of women. At least, company not financially contracted. This generally leads to a vicious circle as women become "unhappy" at not getting the attention they desire from men at least on their terms. I experience this often in ballroom dancing, it seems many women can't suppress their displeasure at men who are learning and thus unable to produce the dance experience they desire. For some reason, they just can't comprehend that this attitude causes men to stop taking lessons and thus their are fewer men for them to dance with. I believe it stems from the habit learned in their teenage years that men exist to please them and by being petulant they get their way. They seem to not understand men adapt to this strategy by avoidance.

Labels:

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Tagged

I've been tagged by Digger in this post for as being on his list of thinking bloggers. That came as a surprise. When I started this blog, I never really expected anyone to read, let alone take the time to comment. I soon discovered there are many, who have issues in there relationships. Like me, they turn to the "blogosphere" to air their problems and try to work towards a resolution. Since my time is limited due to work and family obligations, I am unable to cultivate any real male friendships. I do not enjoy playing a round of golf with a friend. As my tag line says, I started this blog to vent my frustrations of being married to Sybil. It has been helpful, because I soon discovered that I'm not the crazy one. Anyway, I am very flattered to have been tagged in this matter. Now the rules:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote.

The five bloggers that make me think are:
  1. Joe Flirt makes me think, because he and I are in similar situations. Granted his is more extreme, but nonetheless his is a difficult situation.
  2. Tajalude makes me see the other side of the coin of a male's low libido. Her husband seems to share a few traits with myself. Her blog helps give me another perspective.
  3. Steve at Hog on Ice helps me think about food and cooking, which are one of my favorite things. In addition, he adds humor to social and political commentary.
  4. Emily's Post is great blog. We see Emily struggle with her relationship and the testament that love is the glue that holds us together.
  5. Although this author will not answer the tag, Vox Day makes me think due to quite different perspective in political and societal thinking. I don't always agree with what he writes, but he definitely makes me think.
I could have added other blogs, but I wanted to list those that weren't nominated (that I know of).

Back to our regularly scheduled blogging.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Change of Plans

Originally, I had planned to write a post about my waning libido. Since Sybil and I had an interesting blow-up last night, you get spared that post...for a while.

Let me set the scene.
Daughter had a friend come over for an afternoon visit. It's now supper time, and we have no food in the house (naturally). Sybil recommends a certain restaurant, which everyone was in favor of, and we go eat. Around 8:15 pm we leave the restaurant to take the friend home. We arrive around 8:30 pm. We stand outside and talk for a few minutes, Sybil wants to go inside and look at our mutual friend's new cabinets. The friend and I chit-chat, and Sybil rejoins us. During the course of the conversation, the friend remarks that she is tired. I look at my watch, and see that it is nearly 8:45 pm. Since we try to have our kids in bed by 9:00 pm on a school night, I think it is time to go. I make a couple remarks to that end. Sybil indicates that it is time to go, so I get our kids loaded up in the van. The kids and I sit in the van for about 8 minutes. I see Sybil turn as if she is about to join us. She stops and resumes talking to our friend. Thinking this may be a while, I shut the engine off. Sybil gives a me a glance. After a few minutes, she joins us, being very silent. We go home.

Apparently, I am rude. I used shutting off the engine as a statement to let her know that I was more than ready to go home. When she told me that, it did make sense, and I told so. Although in my heart of hearts I did not mean that act to signify that, I can understand why shutting off the engine would be a signal. I, simply, did not want to keep the car running any longer than necessary.

As the argument progressed, I was told that I am a jerk for not having any faith in Sybil. It does not matter that a 5 minute conversation between these two women always turns into a 30 minute holding pattern. Always. I have no faith in her. Therefore, I am a jerk.

I was born a poor, black child.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Resentment

Things with Sybil are still doing ok. She hasn't had any major blow-ups in a while, to her credit. She has worked hard on realizing how her reactions get an equal reaction. Starting in "high gear" only leads another blow-up. She has worked on not allowing herself to react in that manner.

The problem, then, is me. I am have now become that which I disliked. I find myself with a short temper. I find myself on the defensive at every opportunity. It seems that I am just waiting for Sybil to become angry with me. Kind of a preemptive strike. Naturally, she reacts normally and becomes irritated with me. I am so conditioned to expect being yelled at or talked down to over small, trivial things that I tend to strike first. How did I get to this predicament? Have I always been such a jerk? Have my true colors been allowed to show?

That is the power of resentment. By not putting past events behind me, I am allowing them to dictate my present behavior. That is not healthy. By allowing this brewing storm to continue, I am adding to the volatile mixture. I know that it will take time for this to wash out of my system. I truly want this poison to leave me, yet I still have not mastered my conditioned responses.

Although I could blame Sybil for my current state, I must take responsibility for myself. I am not liking the person I have become right now. Blaming her and saying she conditioned me, is a childish reaction. Adults are supposed to own up to their part in the situation. I have not been doing that.

I want to love my wife. I want us to live to a ripe, old age together. I want us to be together as our children grow up and have children of their own. Unfortunately, right now I feel that I am faking it. I am not sure that I have an emotional connection with her. Am I "out of love" with her? I almost hesitate to think it, much less to say it. Hopefully, this is just a fleeting feeling.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Hello? Is There Anybody Out There?

I'm not dead. I'm not even very sleepy. I am EXTREMELY busy. It'll be a quick update for now:
  1. Sybil is still being very amazing. I'm not sure WTF is going on, but never look a gift horse in the mouth (not that she is a horse).
  2. My kids' activities are eating up a tremendous amount of time. Son#1 made his school's baseball team. Stole home in a scrimmage and...broke his ankle. Crap. Son#2's baseball is has been practicing for about 6 weeks and now is getting into high gear.
  3. Work is keeping me very busy. By the time I get home it's usually after 8:00 (after work and kids' activities), and I'm pretty wiped out.
  4. My libido is still pretty low. I'm a little worried about that.
  5. I'll be posting more later.
Thanks for stopping by.