A Year's Worth of Bloggin'

What have I learned in a year's worth of blogging? Too much? Not enough? FTN wondered how blogging has helped me.

I started this blog because I needed a venue to vent my frustrations and emotions. Venting with Wife doesn't work too well. She, like me, wants to solve the problem rather than listen with a sympathetic ear. Besides, most of the stuff I vent about (~90%) is about Wife and our marriage. I want us to have a happy marriage, but it seems we are never quite there.

My list of things I've learned (in no particular order):
1. I'm rather lonely. Kind of sad isn't it? My life is spent working and running with the kids. I don't have time for relationships outside our family. I have one guy friend, and he works more than I do. Blogging has helped me feel connected.
2. I'm probably something of an enabler. I tend to let Wife run roughshod over me. At the end of the day, I simply do not have the energy to fight her over things that are annoying me. Someday I may have to face facts.
3. I'm patient. I can put up with a lot of crap. Self-explanatory to anyone who reads this blog.
4. Although Wife is borderline verbally abusive at times and has a definite psychoness about her, it could be worse. Right? I might not want to dwell too much into that.
5. I have a secret side. We all do. Wife could not handle the things I write here or the comments posted. Let's keep it a secret, shall we?

Writing this blog has been fun. I had a more political blog, but it became boring for numerous reasons. Since Wife and I tend to fight like cats and dogs (I haven't posted about this weekend's long, running gunfight), I'll never run out of material. Unless we divorce. I'm too stubborn to admit failure, so we'll keep plugging along.

HAPPY B-DAY

Shining star reminded me this blog is one year old.

In Summing Up...

Thank you for all of your comments.

So Gone, daddy's lil girl:
Yeah, I think her reaction was over the top. I've communicated that to her on past occurances and the answer I get is a defensive rationalisation: "You (meaning me) did this to me by _________ action." She refuses to see her dark side, or if she does she refuses to acknowlede it to me.

Dating Master, Jerusalem:
I've considered that. I've broached the topic, once. The reaction was a sight to behold. Instead of rationally considering the possibility, she lashed out and said my parents were never married.

Shining star:
Playing me? Maybe. Women are so much better with psyops than men. However, when she is one of her spells, I do not think she is rational.

Synchronicity II

Another suburban family morning
Grandmother screaming at the wall
We have to shout above the din of our Rice Crispies
We can't hear anything at all

Mother chants her litany of boredom and frustration
But we know all her suicides are fake

Daddy only stares into the distance
There's only so much more that he can take

Many miles away something crawls from the slime
At the bottom of a dark Scottish lake

Another industrial ugly morning
The factory belches filth into the sky
He walks unhindered through the picket lines today
He doesn't think to wonder why

The secretaries pout and preen like cheap tarts in a red light street
But all he ever thinks to do is watch

And every single meeting with his so-called superior
Is a humiliating kick in the crotch

Many miles away something crawls to the surface
Of a dark Scottish lake

Another working day has ended
Only the rush hour hell to face
Packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes
Contestants in a suicidal race

Daddy grips the wheel and stares alone into the distance
He knows that something somewhere has to break

He sees the family home now looming in the headlights
the pain upstairs that makes his eyeballs ache

Many miles away there's a shadow on the door
Of a cottage on the shore
Of a dark Scottish lake

Many miles away...

In a Bucket

Well, the good feelings didn't last very long. Although I had made a reminder to myself to watch out (PMS time), I simply forgot.

There we were, Wife and me, driving to the movies to see Pink Panther. She was happily singing a song on the radio. After the song was over, she turned to me and asked me what I thought of her singing. Being the flippant person that I am, I said, "You sounded good even with a bucket." I was, obviously to me, referencing the idiom "can't carry a tune in a bucket." I thought my pithy comment was made in jest. Apparently, I was wrong. I got a three hour third degree.

A little background info might help. Wife is from another country and came to the US, when she was six. She did not have a lot of outside friends and worked in the family business after school from sixth grade to college. English was a second language. Although she has no accent from her native country (Hong Kong), she often times misses the meanings of idioms that I take for granted. There are a lot times that I use these phrases, and she will swear I made them up. I'm not that bright.

Since Wife had never heard the phrase: "can't carry a tune in a bucket," she had no idea what my phrase "can carry a tune even with a bucket" meant. To me the idiom is self-explanatory. No, we had to debate what it is that buckets do. I apologized for using my comment. I made the mistake of saying that she was being purposefully obtuse. As I pulled up to the theatre, I finally explained the phrase "can't carry a tune in a bucket." I apologized for my actions and went to see a mediocre movie.

Back at home, I can tell Wife is still pissed. We were watching one of her favorite TV shows, and I asked her if she was ok and would she like to talk about it. She said that it would make her cry to talk about it. Ok, fine.

Later, in bed she decides it would be a good time to talk about it. Of course, she doesn't have to get her ass out of bed before 11:00, so staying up and arguing is no biggie. It boiled down to me not being considerate of her upbringing and being cold hearted (I did not apologize during the conversation...I had apologized three times, at least, before). She was crying, upset, etc. I guess I am a little cold-hearted, because I thought she made a spectacle of herself. I mean a little bit irritated, sure, but to allow herself to be this emotional is insane.

Also, to top it off, the cleaning lady comes tomorrow, so instead of getting her lazy ass out of bed and straightening the house, she decides to lay in bed, drink coffee, and watch TV. Now, she is running the kids around on their activities, the house is a ruinous wreck, and I'm just sick and tired.

I Came to Praise Her

In a few comments in my posts, some have wondered about Wife being in a state of depression. I think depression is highly unlikely. Although she likes to sleep in and rarely gets moving before noon, she has no other symptoms.

This blog was my way of venting against my wife. This is a purely one-sided and narcissistic exercise. Obviously Wife has many wonderful traits, otherwise I would not have married her and stayed married nearly thirteen years. No, we do not have a perfect relationship, but who does?

Basically, our marriage can be summed up thusly: a Type A person living with a Type B person. Each of us are what we are. We must accept that and move on. I do not think people can change from outside influences, unless they allow it. I cannot expect her to suddenly start worrying less, "nagging" less, or any of the other aspects about her that drive me insane. Since I love her, I must accept her faults.

Concentrating on the positive:

1. Wife loves helping people. She spends a considerable amount of time volunteering at our church.
2. Wife is a good mother to our children. She strives to raise children that are considerate of others, smart, etc. To her credit, we are always getting complimented on our children's behavior.
3. Wife is very sexy. She enjoys the afternoon quickie. Although she may have some issues in bedroom, I cannot complain about the frequency of sex.
4. Wife is naturally attractive. She looks good with a minimum of effort.
5. She is smart. Wife is definitely able to see an issues from all sides.
6. Wife is tenacious. I am listing this trait on the positive, although it can be negative because it takes an inordinate amount of time and energy to change her mind.
7. Wife is supportive of me. My professional success could not have come about with out her.

On this Valentine's Day, I know that, for the most part, I am lucky to be married to Wife. After reading other blogs and seeing other people's issues, I see that mine can be dealt with.

Tagged

Daddy's Lil Girl tagged me with:

List 5 imperfections that you find annoying but could or have learned to live with. These are NOT deal breakers but they are irritating and annoying. But if your 8 perfect characteristics were met, you could learn to put up with these. Pass this on to 5 people. Preferably those with impossibly high standards

1. No sense of humor - I have a definte weird sense of humor. In other words, I get all of Dennis Miller's jokes. I like Monty Python. It's irritating to be laughing at something, look over at one's sweetie, and see them roll their eyes.
2. Lack of patience - We're all human.
3. Worrying about minutae - Wife is always worrying about every little thing. Her reasoning is that by doing this, the big things take care of themselves. Yeah, it also means that we're constantly fighting.
4. Lateness - Wife can't be anywhere on time. In all aspects of her life she is considerate to fault. She tends to put other's needs in front of my own. However, she has never been on time in her life. I try to keep her on a schedule.
5. Boringness - Wife seems to have no desire to experiment and do fun things. Not just sexually. I love to go on overnight backpacking trips. She won't consider it. I really enjoy roller coasters; she refuses to ride.

Now, I'm supposed to tag 5 other people.

1. So Gone
2. Danica
3. FTN
4. ZGD63
5. burbman

Sick and Tired

After two whole days of feeling total love and admiration for Wife, it was ruined this morning.

On Sunday I had indicated that I was in need of release. Wife happily obliged. Although she was on her period, she gave me a most wonderful blowjob and let me cum in her mouth (which is a rare occurrence). For the next two days, I was in total heaven. I looked at her with total love.

Last night she indicated that she had a PTO meeting at 8:00 this morning. Anyone reading this blog knows that Wife has serious issues with getting out of bed before 9:30 am. Since she had to be up early, I added getting her up in time to my list of getting our three kids up and ready. After the second time of trying in vain to get her butt our of bed, Wife says, "I don't have to go. It's not a mandatory meeting." I became irritated and replied that if she had told me, I would have let her sleep in, turned the light off and left.

On her own, she decides to get up and start getting ready. I go upstairs to finish getting myself ready to go to work. She starts giving me the attitude. Statements like I should've known her meetings aren't mandatory, it's a volunteer organization, she's only the depositor (assistant treasurer) were thrown at me. At this point I restate myself. Still I'm getting the attitude. I tell her fine, next time she can sleep in.

I'm getting sick and tired of the laziness and inability to get it together. She never cooks, she can sleep in until 3:00pm (kids get out of school) if she wanted, she doesn't have to work, she expects me to do half of the housework (after working 9 to 10 hours), she wanted a small exercise gym (bought a treadmill and a weight machine, installed DirecTV and she has never used it) and isn't conscious when I leave in the morning. Excuse the fuck out of me for trying to be helpful.