Adam Smith Would be Proud

Digger posted his thoughts about supply and demand and how it relates to sex. I think it succinctly describes what happens to a lot of guys. In a word: if a guy wants regular, exciting sex, don't get married. Although Sybil doesn't have libido issues, she's pretty boring in bed. Whereas, she used to be a hot, little vixen, now, she wants me to do all of the work, yet respect her boundaries. How fun. In my case, the supply is there, but it is of lower quality. I'm paying more now for sex than I ever had. It's shoddy workmanship. Made in China (that's funny: Sybil is Chinese).

I try to look at the bright side of things. After all, that's all I can do. My sex life isn't as bad as Digger's: non-existent. Although there too many boundaries, my sex life doesn't have to be scheduled like FTN's. In my case what used to be a Ritz cracker is now just a plain ol' saltine. I've tried the spicing things up. I've asked Sybil about her fantasies. She doesn't have any. So she says. I've tried taking the initiative to only be rebuffed. But, I'm trying to maintain a positive outlook. No matter how bad things are for a person, there's always someone else that has it worse. Besides, what else would I blog about?

With everything Sybil and I have been through, I have, generally, lost a lot of interest in sex. I don't know if it's living with her, work, kids, or what. It may be my deep seeded resentment of her for the emotional roller coaster ride. For example, last night I was feeling a little amorous. As we were getting into bed, there was an issue with one of my pillow cases. I had not put it on to Sybil's specifications. She jerked it away, adjusted the pillow case, placed it back, and admonished me for accepting less than perfect. It's a PILLOW CASE. The damned thing will be maladjusted by me sleeping on it. Anyway, there went those desires right out the window.

Interesting

This article might be useful for a beginning of the understanding of what happens to men and women in a committed relationship. The authors ponder that it is some evolutionary thing. Basically, men's sex drive remains the same. However, women's sex drive diminishes after making a "pair bond." Sounds like entrapment. A bait-and-switch. A bill of goods. I know that may sound misogynistic. Deep down, it probably is. Maybe women have a harder time letting go of past slights. They think too much. This doesn't make them more complex. It makes them neurotic. I may catch hell for writing those things, but there it is. Right now, with the place I'm in, it sums it up nicely. I might even add that women's libidos aren't the only thing that's higher in the beginning, but also they have a better personality and treat their significant other better.

Ok, flame away Gridley.

BTW, speaking of thinking too much, I'm still noodling the comments from the last post, especially Christian Husband's about declaring peace.

Sex, Sex, Sex

Thank you to all that commented on my last post.

FTN wondered why I was bringing up this subject, when Sybil and I seem to argue about everything else but sex. That is a good question. Actually, she and I argue quite a bit about sex. I like to give oral sex; she doesn't; I feel like I'm more adventuresome; she isn't; I like to make sure she has at least one (preferably more) orgasm; she doesn't (one of our recent fights that I chose not to post about). Granted, we don't have the same issues as some (sorry, Digger), but we still have some.

Sybil likes to play this game:

Yesterday, I arose to get ready for church, make sure the boys were ready, and to make sure Daughter got her 8:00am dose of antibiotics. As I'm leaving to go to church, Sybil (still in bed) says, "why didn't you start something?"

What am I supposed to say? I don't enjoy necrophilia? Let me get this straight: I'm not only supposed to do all of the above, but also wake you up and "get it on?" Maybe I'm not in the mood. Maybe your morning breathe could stop a raging rhino? Maybe I've TOO much to do? Probably it's because I've heard about not trying things unless your in the mood? See the post about mood rings.

Are we doomed to be with those that have differing libidos?
Yes. We don't marry ourselves, so it only stands to reason that our partner would be different. Does that mean our partner shouldn't be a little more accommodating? I guess that depends upon who one asks. It is possible that my raging libido has been turned down a few notches due to work, kids, Sybil, etc. Although Sybil may instigate it more, that's because I've kind of given up trying to figure out when is a good time. After taking so many figurative body blows, there a lot of times I just want to be alone. In our marriage, Sybil probably has a higher libido but too many...um...boundaries.

Why does this happen?
In the beginning there was sex, and it was good. Everyone is carefree. Everyone is adventuresome. Throw kids, mortgage, career, living with the same person for 13 (THIRTEEN!) years into the mix, and sex gets shorted. I love chocolate cake, but I can't eat it for every meal. In my case, living with Sybil is kind of like cleaning the Augean Stables (she might say the same about me, but this MY blog). All of this can take its toll.


What are we to do about it?
The choices are endless (not really but I wanted to write that).
We can:

1. Divorce- risk screwing up kids. Poverty. Since kids are involved, we are still connected. Also, seems to be kind of like throwing the baby out with the bath water.
2. Endeavor to persevere-that is what most of us do. We try to live out our lives day by day in the best way possible. We try to inject small joys to break up the maddening monotony.
   
3. Try to find distractions- we play computer games, blog, go to bonko every first Tuesday no matter what the family's schedule. See #2.
4. Affairs- it seems such an innocent little thing. See #1.
5. Talk it out- easier said than done. Where does one stop wanting to respect the other person and start wanting their needs met? Where does that fine line come from? Shouldn't there be some sort of sign to tell their spouse that it's time to make love versus time to screw like wild, midget monkeys? See mood ring post.

In the end there are no easy answers. Like the gracious people that commented, I, too, am stumbling through life trying to figure this relationship thing out. My hope is that I can pass on the wisdom I have gleaned through the school of hard knocks to my children. I hope they can learn from it.

Quickie

Question: are we doomed to be married to people with differing libidos?

Question: why does this happen?

Question: what are we to do about it?

Inquiring minds want to know.

I'll post about why I'm asking these questions later.

I Ain't Got Time To Bleed

That's how I feel. Work is becoming all consuming. Sybil and I are the usual. Daughter had her tonsils out yesterday. Life keeps rolling along. I'll post when I can and comment when I can.

Sorry.