Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Horns of a Dilemma


I just found out last night that the guy from church I posted about earlier (remember Dick and Jane) has left his wife. He is no longer living at home with his three kids. At least that's the rumor. If true, he couldn't have picked a better time of year. Now, the problem is Sybil wants me to get involved. She wants me to call him up and dive into his personal business. I keep trying to tell her that:
  1. I'm not his best friend or even a close friend. We do not hang out.
  2. I do not have any place getting involved into the personal life of someone else.
  3. If I were in the same situation, I would not want someone sticking their nose into my business.
Sybil is pretty adamant. Although not on the list, one of the problems I have is that I kind of don't blame the guy. Obviously, he should have face the issues WAY before bringing three kids into the mix. It isn't like his wife suddenly turned into a harpy. However, this is only what is seen in public. We cannot know the inner-workings of the marriage. Therefore, I don't have any right to insert myself into it.

Any thoughts on the matter?

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I would absolutely not get involved. I would assume they already feel somewhat uncomfortable about the degree of which their marital problems have been made public, and he probably wants his time to figure things out. If Sybil is so concerned, why doesn't she volunteer to talk to him?
The furthest I would go in intervening would be to approach him to make yourself available if he is looking for someone to talk to, but only if the offer is genuine.

aphron said...

tajalude-
Thanks for the input.

Anonymous said...

I would tell her you tried to call this dude and he told you to stay the hell out of his business...a white lie, yes...but sometimes its about keeping the peace. And its a win-win for you. Or tell her you called him and he won't return your calls. Tell her he probably knows why you are calling since you aren't very close to him and he doesn't want to get into it with her. Just my humble opinion.

Trueself said...

If you would genuinely be willing to lend him an ear to air his side, then contact him. If not, or if you are feeling at all uncomfortable about it then stay out of it altogether. I would not, however, under any circumstances call to give him advice. It won't be appreciated. If you do offer to listen to him, then listen. Offer concern and care, but no advice unless specifically requested. Too many people go butting into other people's lives when they truly don't have the whole story.

Anonymous said...

You are stuck in the church delema where everything is everyone's business because we are a "family" . I know it well and sen the erring child conronted in Christian love . I have never seen it work.

Anonymous said...

No way - I'd leave that one alone.

aphron said...

all-
Thanks for your comments. I guess I was wanting affirmation for what I thought was right.

Anonymous said...

I always feel like I need to have some 'standing' in someone's life in order to speak to them on that kind of level. Doesn't sound like you have what I would call 'standing' w/him.

Anonymous said...

Oh, you are so right on this. You do NOT want to get mixed up in all of this. It is not a good situation if you were involved, but as an outsider it could only get ugly.

The misses is going to have to find another mole for her information.

Anonymous said...

You should definitely not get involved. Nobody knows what is going on in that marriage. They are adults and should be left to work things out however they see fit.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Tajalude. I would offer to make myself available if he needs to talk (if the offer is genuine), but no more.

I have a hard time offering opinions and/or help about something when I'm unsure if the help is even wanted or if I'm not close to the people involved.

Emily said...

I think you need to be a friend to a person to give them advice, unless they ask you for it.

Sometimes even giving friends advice is a bad idea.

Personally, the only thing that I think might be acceptable is to maybe call or if you see him say "I know we haven't got to know each other very well, but if you ever need to talk, I'm here."

Anonymous said...

This is incredible. Your instincts are dead solid perfect. Stay out of other people's business.

Let me get this straight. Sybil won't listen to you or take advice from you at all, but she thinks a stranger might? Yikes

Digger Jones said...

What the hell...I'll just disagree with everyone and take Sybil's side out of sense of being fair and balanced.

I think you should totally get in this guy's business. Find out where he's staying and if he needs a roommate. Then see if his lawyer offers group rates!LOL!;-)

Watching someone else's divorce can be a good way to sound out where the other person is, I've found.

D.

Val said...

As if you need any more votes -- but I vote to butt out!
I would like to know where you unearthed that gruesome picture??? looks like a fatal goring to me...