Well folks, I haven't posted in awhile. Too much stuff going on here. Running 3 kids around creation, working 10 hour days, etc. It's very hard to keep the blog up to the usual posting that I had so long ago. Of course it doesn't help that I seem to be blogging about the same things constantly.
Let's take drama, for instance. Why is it that many like to create drama in their lives? Why is it that women disproportionately do the creating? Is it the feeling of "victimhood" that drives them? Are they trying to get attention? Why do it? It seems to me to expend a lot of energy keeping that constant state of drama going. Am I the problem? Maybe I'm too lazy?
Let me give you an example. Last night after taking Son#2 and Daughter to buy a present for their teachers, picking up Son#1 from swim practice, getting Son#2 some McD's, dropping Son#2 off at basketball practice, going to Subw** with the other kids, I decide to call Sybil. Sybil was at church helping with an activity. I had no way of knowing when she would be done. I thought I could drop off Son#1 and Daughter with their food at church, so she could take them home (it was now about 7:45 PM). I would stay at Son#2's basketball practice, since it was not scheduled to be over until 9:00 PM. Anyway, I'm standing in line at Subw** having already ordered the kids' food and mine. I decide to call Sybil to see what she would want, and I would bring it to her. Little did I know I had become a contestant on "Guess What I'm Thinking."
Sybil informed me that I know what she wants. She wants the warm sandwich that she got last time, "You know the one." Now, Sybil really isn't into sandwiches. She rarely eats at Subw**. I think the last time was around 4 months ago. The last sandwich wasn't a warm one. Naively, I ask for more information. She gets irritated and tells me that I should know. It's what we always get. Um, that wasn't the case last time. She isn't helpful because she can't remember the name of the sandwich.
About this time, Sybil pulls into the parking lot and walks into the establishment. She looks at the menu and points out the sandwich in question and orders it. I knew I was in for it.
I have made her feel like a second thought. By calling her AFTER I ordered and not remembering the correct sandwich, I have made her feel unloved. I have confirmed that I really only care about myself. I have confirmed that she will always be alone in this marriage just like her aunt predicted, when she was a child. In just a few statements she made me feel very small.
Silly me. I thought I was trying to be helpful. She was stuck at church with no supper. The kids wanted to go home. I felt that calling her, bringing her the food she wanted, and letting her take the kids home would be a good thing. A helpful thing. Nope. How ignorant of me. I, obviously, don't really care about her.
Drama. A person that was not into creating drama would have seen another putting forth an effort to be helpful. A Drama Queen, a Sybil, would only see things as some other disappointment. No matter how things are done, it will never be right. Drama Queens cannot kick back and enjoy themselves. Life only has meaning, if there is conflict. Drama Queens love to stir the pot and create controversy. WHY? Can someone tell me why? Why? Why all of the fuss? Why make a big deal out of not remember a freakin' sandwich from this past summer?
Help me understand.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
6 comments:
Welcome back!
Well, it's not really drama, it's just a woman thing and hormones has nothing to do with it! ;)
I think the guessing part is more on, you are supposed to know her enough to know what she would want to have...this happens between me and my bf alot of times. Then one day, he bought something for me, and discussed every details of it and relates it to an episode in the past that would support why he thinks I would like what he just bought...well, I didn't really, but the fact that he remembered alot about myself...made me like it!
Let's see . . . well, I can't think of a reason why someone would want to create drama. Oh wait, yes I can: CONTROL! But the good news is you can do something about it, because no one can have control over you unless you let them. In this case, I would say the next time you think of doing something nice for her, like buying her a sandwich, just do it. Don't call her or ask her what she wants, just buy something. Of course, she'll probably complain that it's not exactly what she wanted, but you've still done a thoughtful thing and can feel good about that.
Some people, not just women, like to make a big thing out of everything. Life's too short for that!! But all we can do is decide how we are going to respond to their drama. We can jump in there with them or shrug it off. I choose to shrug it off. And it's not a matter of not caring. Obviously you care about her or you wouldn't have thought to buy her something to eat. It's really just that she seemingly gets upset about every little thing. But it's not because of what you did or didn't do; it's because that's how she is.
My motto: If you expect people to be themselves, you'll never be disappointed.
Wow, that is so ridiculous, it's actually rather humorous. All I can say is that I hope you called her on it and told her, in a calm voice, exactly how ridiculous she was being, and that she has no right talking to you like that.
What would happen if you presented it to her the way you have here? Maybe even written out and handed it to her and let her read it and think about it before discussing it. I just wonder if that would help her to see the situation from your point of view. Or would it just make things worse?
As a woman, I have to say that this is NOT a woman thing! I've been reading through your blog & I am just astounded by your wife!! She is clearly in her own selfish, unrealistic world. It was extremely nice of you to think of her at the church w/out dinner. Even if you did remember what she got the last time, maybe she wouldn't be in the mood for that particular sandwich that particular night! I would've appreciated the call to see what I was in the mood for! I cannot imagine what life is like for you. I CANNOT handle stupid drama! Again, this is coming from a woman! I'm sorry to say that you married a crazy one & we're not all like this!!
-Leanna
maripossa-
That means I should give her a pass for her behavior. That doesn't seem to be healthy in an adult relationship.
phyllis renee-
I'd say you've hit the nail on the head. Sybil is all about control. The least little movement outside of her boundaries makes her feel out of control. The closer one is to her, the more she wants control. It's very difficult to not the a loved one have control. It means putting up walls and barricades.
ftn-
It is ridiculous. Unfortunately, I didn't call her on it. Again, confrontation is a definite weakness I have. I struggle with it constantly. I have this irrational need for everyone to like me.
trueself-
I doubt that writing it down would mean much to her. She would view that as cowardice. I'd have to agree that it is. I sense that things are approaching a climax.
anon (Leanna)-
Ironically, Sybil hates drama in others. She is always looking down on those engaging in it. Yet, she is the master of it.
All-
Thanks for the comments.
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