A little back story here: we recently bought a car that has an adaptive cruise control. It automatically slows the car, when behind a slower vehicle. I love it.
Anyway, we hit a rain storm on the interstate. Everyone is slowing down. Until that moment, I was going about 78 mph. When the car in front began slowing down to the huge downpour, the car automatically slowed to match it. We slowed to around 55 mph. The whole time the cruise control was on. It functioned as it should by slowing the car. I was aware of what the car in front and the vehicles to the side and back where doing at all times. My foot was poised over the brake to disengage the cruise control, if needed. Eventually, it rained so hard our car could not keep the adaptive cruise control going and turned it off. No big deal. I took over and maintained proper space distancing. We made it through unscathed.
When the rain stopped and the sun was shining, Sybil decided it was time. She noticed that I did not turn off the cruise control. A big discussion ensued. I informed her that I was in total control the whole time. I could turn off the cruise control in less than a blink of an eye. It didn't matter. "Would I be ok with our children driving this way?" she asked. Since our kids are 18, 15, and 13 I said "no". I have way more experience driving in these conditions. It didn't matter. Naturally, we went back and forth. I did not agree with Sybil's premise that I should have turned of the cruise control immediately. And then Sybil said, "That's why you're a jerk!"
I will be the first to admit that I did not take that well. I shot back, "That's why you're a controlling bitch!" I told her that having a debate about my driving is one thing but taking it to a personal level is out of bounds. I asked why she felt that she should do that and her response was I made her do it by not admitting her point. I thought, "Wow! Isn't that what an abuser says to the abusee?"
It's my fault that she had to bring the discussion to a higher level. If only I had listened to her wise counsel, I would not have made her call be an epithet. Sad. I didn't handle it well either. I apologized for my language (I didn't say she wasn't a controlling bitch, though). I said I should have used other words. I'm still waiting for my apology. Still waiting....Bueller...Bueller.
4 comments:
Well, I will freely admit I drive completely different with Queenie in the car than i do alone. What she deems safe and sure is quite different than what I deem safe and sure, and I'll leave it at that.
Some part of marriage (perhaps bigger than we realize) is about mitigating conflict, though oftimes it is unavoidable.
And roadtrips can definitely be a minefield in and of themselves. Just saying ....
Just out of curiousity, what the **** does how you'd like your kids to drive have to do with anything?
I suspect you'll be waiting a long time, though.
There is no apology coming. I'm sure of it.
My philosophy is if I'm the driver and you're the passenger I expect you to get in, sit down, strap in, and shut up. If you don't like how I drive, ride with someone else or drive yourself. Not that I recommend you tell Sybil that. It would only make matters worse I'm sure.
Kudos to you for sticking with this marriage for this long, and for not killing her for that matter.
Read up on 'Narcissistic Personality Disorder' and 'Narcissistic Wives'. I guarantee it to be a real eye-opener.....
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