Stalemate

What to do when a couple is at a stalemate?  That is where Sybil and I are now.  Neither wants to budge about the latest explosion.  Frankly, I'm too tired of the whole drama queen act.  The toll it has taken on me emotionally has reached its limit.

How did this come to pass?  Like everything else it is my fault (at least in Sybil's eyes).  On Sunday we finished moving Son #1 into his dorm room.  It was getting late, he had stuff to do, and we have to be at our office early the next day.  We stopped at a fast food place for a quick bite before the drive home.  We had a pleasant time.  Chit-Chatting about stuff: first kid in college and all of the stuff that goes along with that.  Sybil complimented me on my being laid back about having to drive to the college, again, to finish with the room set-up.  I say "again" because we were there on Saturday.  Sybil did not like how the room was arranged, so we drove back there on Sunday.  No biggee to me.  Anyway, we gas up the car and get on the interstate to go home.  It's getting late, and I am driving above the speed limit.  I was doing around 80 mph (speed limit is 70).  This was the same speed I used to drive to our destination earlier, and I was driving the same speed back home.  No biggee.  Or I thought.  As we get closer to the medium sized city that close to our town, I have to slow down because of being cut off by another car.  I move around the car and put my cruise control back on.  Since we had slowed considerably, the car shifted to a lower gear causing the engine to rev at a higher RPM.  After passing the offending car, I moved back to our lane (here the speed limit was 65).  Sybil heard the engine noise and said that I am driving to fast and asked me to slow down.  I did not say anything, but I did make a face.  She asked me what the face was about, and I told her that it was for her nagging commentS.  Oooh, it's on.

First of all, Sybil becomes angry at me for saying commentS.  She only made one commenT.  Secondly, I was rude for making a face about her commenT.  She has a right to express herself and make a commenT about something that may affect her (driving too fast leading to death and/or dismemberment).  I tell her it's no biggee.  Wrong.  It is a biggee for someone with all of those speeding tickets.  WHAT?  I think to myself.  I ask her how many speeding tickets have I gotten in the last 10 years?  She says 4 or 5.  I inform her that I got ONE speeding ticket.  I ask her how many has she gotten?  She says it doesn't matter.  I push the issue.  We agree that she had ONE, also.  It still means that I was rude for making a face and stating that she made nagging commentS.  Fine.  I apologize, if I was rude and for saying commentS instead of commenT (she did only make one comment).  She rejects my apology.

We continue along this vein for awhile.  Then Sybil drops the bombshell: I not know how to compromise.  Actually, my lack of being able to compromise has led to the kids hating to go camping.  WHAT?  I think to myself.  There is a back story that is too long to get into.  Suffice it to say that I wanted to go camping this Labor Day weekend but cancelled it due to campground conditions.  It was difficult for me.  I struggled with it, but I DID MAKE THE CALL.  Anyway, WTF is going on?  She brought our kids into our argument.  Also, she totally contradicted herself.  It was just about two hours earlier when she was complimenting me on being so understanding and, oh I don't know, compromising.  I point out her cognitive dissonance.  Big mistake I know.  I couldn't help it.  She informs me that was to make me feel better but she didn't really mean it.  My last words on the subject was "I can't argue with that logic" and I left the room.

We haven't really spoken since.  Sybil's narcissism and inability to be a fully mature adult is astounding.    My mistake is thinking I am dealing with a rational, fair-minded individual.  It is my fault for not remembering who I am dealing with.  I will never get a rational, fair-minded response from Sybil when it has anything to do with me.

Joining the world of Twitter

Well...I'm entering the world of Twitter.  I kind of find it a waste of time, but I think Tweeting Sybil's rantings may be enjoying.  For me anyway.  Ha.  For those that care (both of you), it may provide some fun and take your mind off of your problems.  So look at the sidebar.  I hope to update when able.  Since we are moving our older son into college this weekend, I know there will be something to Tweet about.

Stay tuned.

Personality Disorders

Over the last few posts many have suggested that Sybil has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).  First of all, I am not trained in either psychiatry or psychology.  Therefore, I cannot definitively say whether or not Sybil suffers from NPD or BPD.  May be Sybil is just Sybil?

According to PubMed Health NPD "is a condition in which people have an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with themselves."  The article goes on to list a multitude of symptoms.  In the article, Sybil does not really fit into that list, except with "react to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation", "need constant attention or admiration" (at least the constant attention part), and "disregard the feelings of others (namely mine), and have little ability to feel empathy."  Sybil may have "unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment".  That one is less sure.  Therefore of the 10 symptoms listed, Sybil has, possibly, four.

Again, according to PubMed Health BPD is a condition in which people have long-term patterns of unstable or turbulent emotions, such as feelings about themselves and others.  This condition has the hallmark of shifting perceptions of others.  Much more emotional turmoil.  Other symptoms that Sybil has are "frequent displays of inappropriate anger" and "intolerance of being alone (of which this has greatly improved over the years)".  The shifting emotions thing is a big red flag for me.  I call her "Sybil" in this blog for a reason.

After studying both of these conditions, it is possible that Sybil has a bit of both.  There are times she has definite NPD: only worries about time when it affects her, not taking account anyone else's feelings, wanting to be pampered, yet not pampering others.  There are times she shows herself to BPD: fluctuating emotions, shifting perceptions of me.  After many months of contemplation, I believe that Sybil has traits for both conditions.  I doubt that she would be diagnosed with either, or she may be diagnosed with a mild form.  The problem with both of these conditions is that it is hard for someone to be diagnosed and seek help.

It doesn't really matter if Sybil has NPD or BPD.  Maybe she's just batshit crazy?!?  At the end of the day, I have to learn coping mechanisms.  Fortunately, the kids get to leave.  I often wonder if they will ever come back to visit.