- I am an introvert. Most people will think I am the most outgoing, witty person in the room. However, being around people tires me out. Since I am around people all day, I really treasure my alone time. Unfortunately, my alone time is from 5:45 am to 6:45 am M-F. Not much there. In the past, Sybil and the kids would go visit her parents in another state. I enjoyed my alone time so much that I didn't miss them that much.
- Sybil is an extrovert. She gets her energy from being around people. She cannot stand being alone. I guess that is because she has never really been alone. Being the youngest girl in a family with 7 kids, Sybil was always with someone. This can create friction, because she cannot understand why I need my space. I find myself hanging around her because it's just easier.
- I have deep areas of resentment towards Sybil. Over the years, I have chronicled our marriage here in this space. Ironically, Sybil got off of the Pill last summer. It was the best 6 weeks of our marriage. She wasn't a bitch and the sex was great. It was so great that we had a baby. Number 4. We are in our middle age. Since we have 4 kids and are older, I repeatedly stated my desire for a vasectomy. However, due to some sort of personality quirk (I think her need to control), Sybil has adamantly refused. Now what? I refuse to have her back on the Pill. I believe it set motion events that led to some of my resentment issues. She refuses to let either of us be permanently fixed. We are back to using a condom. She hates those, too. Cognitive dissonance is her middle name.
- Work is killing me. With the baby, Sybil became less engaged at work and no longer comes to the office. It is interesting to note that my blood pressure went way down. It was borderline needing medication. Now, it is normal. I guess being around Sybil was, literally, killing.
- Once upon a time, I had some readers of this blog. My intention was not to have a large audience but to put in words my issues. Now that I am not joined at the hip with Sybil, I expect my posting to increase.
- Don't even get me start on finances. Cognitive dissonance really shines with Sybil in this arena. We will never be out of debt; she keeps wanting to spend money. She justifies it with what she considers as a "need". With the new kid, this has increased many times over. Also, Sybil is at home unsupervised. My goal is get us on a debt reduction budget. Of all of the things we have fought over (the majority of which are trivial), this will be most major.
That is just a short list of things to grapple with. Reflecting on things almost seems to make them worse. Kind of like picking on a sore. It just hurts without healing. Depressing.
Many times over I have come to the realization that this is my lot in life. Nuke the marriage (permanently damaging the kids and going against my Christian beliefs) or try to polish a turd. So far, the turd is very shiny.
6 comments:
Of course this is just my own opinion, but I do not think that a husband and wife have the right to forbid each other to do things, particularly things like having a vasectomy when you already have four children (especially since I assume you both agree you don't want any more?). It's your body and you have autonomy over it. In your place, I would tell her you are going to get a vasectomy and then go have it done. This assumes you have discussed the pros and cons together in some detail, because I do think she has the right to be consulted before you proceed. But it's your body, not hers. Naturally, I think she has the right to have her tubes tied if that's what she wants, whether you agree or not.
On a separate note, I think you also have the right to limit her spending to a reasonable limit. You should definitely discuss this with her, but if she insists on spending everything you make, or more than everything you make, you can limit her to a specific amount of money per week or month or year and protect the rest from her by putting it where she can't get to it. Good luck. -- Anais
P.S. Dear God there are a lot of hurdles get get over to be able to post a comment here! The open ID doesn't work, I can't read most of the captcha words, etc. Let's see if this finally takes. I'm on my sixth try.
Welcome Anais
As for your point at it being my body, I agree. However, in fairness to Sybil, I would not be very happy if she underwent elective surgery. I'm not sure what the answer is. I'm just as stubborn about her being on the Pill.
As for finances, Sybil cannot wrap her mind around the fact that we are living paycheck to paycheck. She cannot see that $200 here or there makes a difference. Ironically, she was commenting on how her brother's wife is a spendthrift.
As for Google...well...
Good to hear from you!
I'm curious- what does Sybil state as the reason she doesn't want you to get a vasectomy? I know you indicated perhaps her need to control... but how is she viewing it?
(Also, interesting that she got off the pill (changes hormones) and isn't a bitch & great sex- so often BC can throw people off in ways they don't anticipate)
Good luck, and esp with the fourth kid & money... not an easy situation.
Four kids?!? How could you have so many?!? (sorry; I've always wanted to say that. . .)
;)
Naw; new life is always good. Congratulations, and blessings. . .
You could always try one o' them NFP classes whut the Catholics do. . . Or is that too. . . something-or-other, too?
Honestly, you know what I'm gonna say already so I'll spare you and the rest. Something's gotta give, is another 'accident' really where you feel you wanna go?
got no answers on the money thing. We're refinancing to manage the hole we're in. Again.
I just surfed by on an offside hunch; a pleasant surprise to find updates from you Aphron!
Certainly you're aware you have many more options "outside" of condoms?? Diaphragm? Nuva ring? IUD? Tubal ligation (one of the happiest days of MY life)? Obviously all of those are female-centered, so Sybil may object?!?
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