Sailor asked in the comments from my last post about why Sybil is against any form of permanent birth control. I wanted to get my thoughts out there, and I felt that a comment would be too long.
First of all, Sybil eschews any time of surgery unless it is definitely required. A few years ago she was having suspicious pap smears, so the gynecologist was pushing for a partial hysterectomy. She spoke with her sister's husband (a health care provider in another state), worried and gnashed her teeth, and convinced her gynecologist to just do a LEEP procedure. Ever since then, she goes every 6 months for a recheck. This has been years ago. In fairness to Sybil, it worked; she hasn't had a problem since.
The idea of me getting a vasectomy is not new. I wanted one after the birth of our third child. I DID NOT WANT ANYMORE CHILDREN, PERIOD. Well...you see how that went. Sybil used the same logic as now: why get something done if you don't need to. It is unnatural. Granted this is a want and not a need. I think there are elements of control in the situation, but overall the problem is her belief in maintaining a whole body.
Since I believe that her body is mine and my body is hers as a married couple, I cannot go against her wishes. Sadly, this puts us in a terrible bind. I am just as adamant about her not taking the Pill. I, firmly, believe the Pill did more to damage our marriage (from my point of view...like others with issues she doesn't really think she had a role to play). If I am demanding her to not to take the Pill, how can I demand for a vasectomy?
Of course, I could "man up" and just "git 'er dun". However, the long term ramifications to my marriage would be very, very bad. Although I complain about my situation on this blog, I do believe in my marriage; I do believe that I should remain marriage; and I do believe that remaining married is the best for my family. This will have to be one of those situations that I have to give in.
Or...maybe...I'm a puss.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
8 comments:
No, you're not a "puss"... merely someone that believes in practicing what you preach, and that's a good thing :)
Thanks for the background info, too- and I hope that somehow you two manage to find a good resolution to this
From your previous post: "We are back to using a condom. She hates those, too."
My question then becomes, if you two are not going to use surgical means of birth control and you are not going to use the pill, and she hates condoms, what birth control method is there that is tolerable to you both? -- Anais
Anais-
With the birth of our new baby, work, living with Sybil, my libido is very, very low right now. In 2 months we've had sex twice. We are at a stalemate.
"my libido is very, very low right now"
So? It only takes once, didn't your health teacher fill you in on that necessary fact? ;-)
Twice in 2 months? That's the 'norm' for us and we had one happy little accident when we were on every other month.
You have been warned ....
Well, Aphron, this surely is a stalemate. Don't describe yourself as a "puss" though, as I understand your reasons. I don't know if you've done this already, but if Sybil can be persuaded that vasectomy is virtually painless, and a very minimally invasive procedure, then perhaps she might reconsider. Good luck one whichever path you decide to go with!
Timothy Burke @ Vasectomy Sydney
As my friend's husband bragged when she went back to infertility specialist to find she was 6 wks PG w/their 2nd: "We only did it ONCE that month!"
I wouldn't term a vasectomy as invasive, unnecessary surgery either - my former boss loved to brag about coming back to work on the day of HIS vasectomy, w/an ice pack in his scrub pants!
I don't doubt that your libido is "low", if every sexual encounter has the Damocletian sword of ANOTHER unwanted pregnancy hanging over your head...
Well, I should the the "long term ramifications" of getting unwantedly preggers again would be pretty bad for your marriage as well (and heck, maybe even WORSE -- what with the never-ending money issues, the parenting issues, and the general stress that comes along with raising kids (not to mention the potential risks involved with having babies in later age, etc etc)....) in a marriage that is fairly rocky to begin with. I mean seriously, be sensible.
*pokes you with a stick*
What's happening with you?
Anais
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