Saturday, April 28, 2018
Do you know what 'Nemesis' means?
Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent."
I have come to the conclusion that Sybil is my punishment because of my past hubris. I was "intemperate" in my youth. While not necessarily thought of myself above everyone else, I did have a bit of a superiority contest. God has sent Sybil to me bring me down. In the coming week, I will attempt to quantify the negative vs. positive feedback I get. Negative will be anything from controlling my behavior (trying to parent me) to outright lashing out. Positive will be a touch or a word that is...well...positive. It will be interesting to see what the results are.
On another note, I have come to the realization that I was "groomed" to be in this situation. Growing up with my mother was not easy. In a weird Freudian sense, I blame her for a lot of my issues today. Lots of "whuppin's" and crass, crude comments. As a young child of 4, I had to learn to take care of myself. As the years rolled by, I was yelled at and to some degree neglected. Since I've started to come out of the FOG, I've realized how much I endured. Does a fish know it's in water kind of a thing.
Anyway, I may become a bit more introspective in addition to documenting Sybil. I need to ask the question of "how did I get here?" and "what now?"