The above statement is setting me free. I find that repeating it to my head really helps me focus on Joy. From Merium-Webster:
I find it interesting that Sybil cannot find Joy. Nothing is good enough for her. This isn't just her approach to me, but also her approach to everyone and everything. I think she gets more "joy" out of food than anything else (yes...she has really packed on some weight). I stand back and examine her lack of joy.
People that are of a negative bent really suck the Joy out of life. No one likes to be around them. For me, my Joy is inversely proportional to the amount of time I spend with her. I find myself having less anxiety and are more calm. I have written extensively about how Sybil treats me and others her in this bog over the years. Thankfully, I have had many commentors provide helpful insight and advice. If not for these wonderful people, I might have been stuck an a morass of self-loathing. My Stockholm Syndrome would have kept me in a perpetual state of self-defeat and self-blaming.
So...I am finding Joy. I have had to swallow a bitter pill of realizing that I will not get Joy from Sybil. Instead, I have Joy because of my kids. I have Joy because my strawberry plants have strawberries, and I have Joy because the blueberry bush I thought was dead has now sprouted leaves. These little things provide Joy in my life and a distraction from my marriage.
On another note, this blog has kind of run its course. I will still be writing, but I will be starting vlogs from Youtube. Stay tuned...
2 comments:
Yes! I am so excited to hear that you are choosing Joy...! Because it is a choice after all. And you have been enmeshed for so long, bending yourself end over backward into pretzel shapes all these years trying to cater to her incomprehensible nature, mired in her dark moods. You came close to drowning — now it’s time to cut her adrift (emotionally speaking anyway) to stew in her own black brew, as you yourself move on to pursue some of your own long-unmet needs, interests and piques. And we’re not talking anything crazy here — no midlife crisis convertible-buying necessary, nor mistress stashing or anything like that. That’s what sets us apart from Them (the Personality Disordered) — that we are far more grounded, significantly more centered, and much lower maintenance, over all. Just some simple, long neglected self-care will do wonders — like making the time to keep up with exercise and eating better, even dabbling in some pleasant hobbies and personal interests. You will be much better off, and have much more peace of mind living a life that is *parallel* to hers — as you learn to enjoy your own good company, while becoming your own best friend. And yes, choosing Joy...!
It was a watershed moment for both my wife and me, when we finally saw the futility of giving someone else the power over our happiness. Controlling what you have control over, and you can't control someone else's actions or attitudes. . .
Congratulations!
(I mean that in all sincerity; it's a maddeningly hard place to get to, for those of us who are used to being in control of our lives. . .)
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