The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Quick Update
I don't have much to update. Still simmering resentment from Sybil to me. Sadly, this creates simmering resentment from me to Sybil. Sybil feels strongly the incident with the truck shows a pattern of loving her enough. No matter that it may have caused me to go from a chest cold to bronchitis with the me having to take the meds to treat it. No resolution. Just a long running argument. We are terrible in conflict resolution.
When do the "shit tests" end? Never. A good running example is Sybil saying I need to "woo" her. Ok...never mind that we've been married 23 years, so why do I have to treat her like we are still dating. People get married so they don't have to date. Anyway, the shit test goes like this:
Step 1 - Sybil says I don't ask her out and plan an outing. I don't make a fun date.
Step 2 - Ask Sybil out. Sybil complains about the why I am asking her for a Friday night date, instead of a night that is closer (it's Tuesday).
Step 3 - Change it from Friday to Thursday after we do a few things at the business for the end of the year. Sybil complains that I ask her to go out after I made her work (we came to an agreement about the day).
Step 4 - Complain about the way I ask her out.
Step 5 - I am angry and don't really want to take her out.
Step 6 - Repeat until one of us dies.
It never ends. Ask me to do something nice and then complain. Did that with Valentine's (I bought her a small box of candy; she did not like how it tasted; and she bought me nothing...not even physical affection). I don't expect her to do anything nice for me. On the rare occasions she does something for me, I appreciate it. Sybil expects me to show her love by perfectly "wooing" her and holds it against me when her expectations are not met. Since Sybil has such high expectations, she is always disappointed. Never satisfied. That's the fundamental difference: I do not expect anything from anyone; Sybil expects perfection from everyone. She is disappointed which adds to her negativity.
Not too hopeful about the New Year.
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2 comments:
Well even though it seems to be moving backwards, a bit of advice: Set the date, hold the date, do the date. Even if she doesn't. And when she complains, give her the out- 'feel free to stay home'. Lather, rinse, repeat. So long as you give her power to slam and harass she'll keep doing it. As long as you cow-tow, she'll pester. She might never come around but at least it gives you a bit of self respect.
Or after a few years she may come around. Ya just never know. But sound slike you're in for those years, so what's to lose?
I know what you mean. It's exhausting because I feel like I'm living with a big, intelligent, spoiled teenage girl. I realize this is just a some sort of power play, "shit test", whatever. The trick is to maintain my center and not get sucked into her vortex. My frame must be that I am dealing with a big, spoiled child. I must learn to metaphorically shrug my shoulders and move on.
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