Question: are we doomed to be married to people with differing libidos?
Question: why does this happen?
Question: what are we to do about it?
Inquiring minds want to know.
I'll post about why I'm asking these questions later.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
9 comments:
I always got the impression that you and Sybil's sex life wasn't too shabby, it was just everything else that was a struggle. Incorrect?
I sure don't have the answers to those questions. Let me know when you get it all figured out, we can put it in a book and make millions. Maybe we can go on Dr Phil.
Oh, and now I'm waiting for the first person to suggest that we all have sex with each other...
1: Yes
2: Why indeed? Maybe in my case my husband expected that my sex drive would taper off after marriage due to his experience in his first marriage. Little did he know that 18 years later I'd still want to get laid now and then.
3: I certainly don't advocate my solution for everyone, but my answer is affairs. I'm just not willing to give up sex any longer. My first attempt at an affair was a dismal failure due to too many emotional entanglements. My next one, and I'm pretty sure there will be a next one, will be physical only.
I sometimes think that higher libido and lower libido people are attracted to each other, just like messy and neat people are.
But dammit, it can be torture sometimes.
What am I going to do about it? Keep working on it, keep discussing it, keep lobbying to get my needs met, understanding that the fundamentals of the situation are unlikely to change, but can be improved a bit. Keep loving and respecting my partner. Avoid having affairs.
I can't speak for others, but I know my personal sex drive has definate highs and lows. When my hubby met me, I was all about sex. For 3 years after our twins were born, I had no interest. I mean zero interest. I suspect now, it was because of depression. Now, I am again, all about sex.
We try to talk about it often, especially when one is in the mood and the other isn't. We also try to please the other, even if one isn't in the mood.
Why it happens, I have no idea.
1.) I sure as hell hope not - since I'm not married yet. Having had my own taste of a clashing libidos relationship, I think that if I were to ever see signs of it again, I'd go running in the opposite direction.
2.) I think that some people misrepresent themselves (but I don't think it's done maliciously), and that sometimes, when you love someone, you tend to overlook the differences between you or hope that they will change.
3.) I had an affair and then I left. Worked for me.
1) Doomed? No, I don't think so. Shit, I hope not.
2) Love is blind.
3) I'm leaving because the rejection was too much to take.
1. Yes
2. They lied
3. Suffer for years and find solace in wine. (That's what I did)
1. Yes.
2. Somebody sent me this in response to a similar question:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/163494156.html
3. Depends on what level of risk works for you.
Hey it's not all about the woman's sex drive dropping off after marriage - I am a hurt and worried newly-wed of 4 months! Sex is now a quick one every 2 weeks if I'm lucky. From a guy that was more romantic and more up for sex than me (I liked to let him lead) now I'm the wife and I want way more than him. Husband pays lips service to it but doesnt do anything about it. Do I just roll with it?
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