Jesus said to him, "I don't tell you until seven times, but, until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:22.
I have a confession to make: I have been resenting Sybil. I have not been a very forgiving person. I have not confronted her enough on she makes me feel. Resentment was allowed to take hold and harden my heart. Sadly, it affected me in a way that I had never expected. I found myself not wanting to be near her, talk with her, touch her. I just wanted to be somewhere else. I would not let myself forgive her for her faults.
The weight was lifted, when I forgave her. Sybil is human. She has many more admirable qualities than I write about. Unfortunately, I chose to focus only on the things that were negative. The power of forgiveness of which Jesus speaks isn't necessarily about helping the person doing wrong, but it is also about healing the person wronged. Forgiveness liberates one from the past. I was shackled to my past dealings with Sybil. I had allowed these events to shape me and affect my behavior.
Achieving a state of Grace allows one to start loving that person. Agape love is much more powerful than romantic love. How can a person love another, when he has resentment in his heart? He cannot. There is only room for one not both. I am ashamed to say that I was not Graceful towards Sybil. One may say that she does not deserve my forgiveness. Who, among us, really does? We are all fallen creatures. Achieving love and grace is the closest we can come to being Godly.
I hope those who are that point of pushing out love from their hearts will rethink their feelings. Forgiveness is truly Divine.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
8 comments:
I agree with what you've said here.
I also agree with it for selfish reasons -- because just forgiving and letting go is a lot more benefiticial to your own life / health / happiness than holding onto that anger and resentment. Doesn't it feel GOOD to let go? Don't you feel lighter / better /happier? I know I do.
Someone once said that bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping it kills the other person. You have chosed the right path. I admire you.
I do not think it is very surprising that resentment has been building up. It is hard to put up with feeling attacked on a regular basis.
You know, as much as I am impressed by the forgiveness aspect of this post, I think that sentence about not confronting her enough was also key. Sometimes we just let things slide because its easier, but the long term effect is not good. Just as you have looked within yourself for forgiveness, I hope that she will look within herself and find the capacity to be a bit less harsh with you.
Ditto on what Emily said, even tho I am the current champ of avoidance. What Jesus was saying was that we will have to learn to forgive over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over...you get the idea.
And I think that sort of forgiveness may very well be the single biggest challenge of being married. Having to forgive yet AGAIN is just fatiguing! Yes, I know carrying resentment is a heavy burden. But as long as you're married, it's just not going to end this side of Heaven. Ever. So it is definitely a test of endurance.
D.
""I had allowed these events to shape me and affect my behavior.""
It's weird how that happens...but it does....You find yourself not being you....being a person you don't even like!!
Great post!!!
all-
With Sybil her way of communicating is partially an attack (kind of a preemptive strike) and partially how she communicates. She is a passionate person and can be ruled by her emotions. During my lull, I came to that realization. We have issues, and I am trying to confront her about them in a loving manner. Since I expect her to live with my many faults, I should be able to live with hers. It's only fair.
Aphron, this is a great, great post. Learning how to love is how we get prepared to live in Heaven. And "if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?" A little stark, that, but of course, it's learning to love when it's hard that really brings us spiritual growth. And, my friend, you're well on your way. . .
desmond jones-
Yeah, I remember Jesus saying that. Since I am totally human, I sometimes forget to do that. We need more grace in our lives.
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