I don't have much drama with Sybil, so I haven't been keeping ya'll entertained with our hi-jinks. We had a decent-sized argument this past weekend. It was mostly about me not listening to her or taking her seriously. I think...I can't remember.
This blog was started as a way for me to vent my frustrations of feeling victimized. This process has taught me that I have to own my part of the problem, too. We all have personality problems. Some more than others. My problem is focus. I tend to lose focus and let my mind wander. Sometimes I wonder, if I have ADD. This personality flaw causes great friction with Sybil. She believes that I, purposefully, ignore what she says and don't respect her. While I don't consciously ignore what she says nor do I not intentionally disrespect her, I do admit to finding myself somewhere else during conversations. It takes a great deal of effort to remain with her and engaged at times.
Two things have helped smooth things over between us. I make myself stop whatever I am doing or thinking so I just focus on her, and I have come to realize that Sybil is a passionate person. Unfortunately, I am not. This causes great consternation on my part, since she is very expressive during a conversation. She feels that she is not "getting onto me," but her way of speaking and body language seems to suggest otherwise. When we are having these types of "discussions," I must remain calm and listen to the words and not read the body language. I'm surprised at how much Sybil's body language causes my emotions to flair.
Denial is a powerful thing and breaking through it is difficult. No one likes to look at themselves in a negative light. My journey of self-improvement continues.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
4 comments:
I think its great that you are feeling better about your relationship with her and the steps you have taken to accomplish that - Bravo! and wishing you all the best.
It wasn't always this way. Also, I'm not so naive as to believe it will stay this way. I'm a little concerned, because I feel that we are in a good place right now. Usually, this is the calm before the storm.
Self-awareness is a good thing, Aphron - keep up the good work!
Self-awareness is always a good thing. We can all find ways to improve - and afterall you only have control of yourself anyway.
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