Feelin' Low

Well, that smooth period with Sybil is over. Yesterday we had huge fight. Today we had another one.

We always fight about me not listening to her. Earlier in our marriage I didn't always. I tend to have random thoughts running around in my head and am easily distracted (mild ADD?). However, over last few years I really worked on staying focused on her alone. Unfortunately, the only way to do that is to not be around a distraction (TV, computer, etc.). Until yesterday, things were running pretty good.

Round#1

Yesterday morning as I'm getting ready for a morning civic club meeting, Sybil asks me to take some stuff to Son#1's middle school for PTO. Now, she said "Could you take this to the school before your meeting?" What I heard was, "Can you take this stuff to the school?" The meeting ran a little long, and I dropped the stuff off afterwards. The problem is the person that needed it was looking frantically around for it for about an hour. As I was leaving the school and running to my next errand, I called Sybil to check in. When she found out what time I dropped the stuff off, she became slightly angry. I apologized for not getting the stuff there on time. I explained that I didn't know she wanted it there before the meeting. Her reaction was a shock to me. I became slightly angry and said something about her not even getting out of bed to talk to me. Now she went ballistic. She is screaming into the phone. I try to maintain calm. She is still screaming into the phone, and then hangs up on me.

I finish my errands and arrive home mid-morning. Syibl isn't there. I had no clue where she was, so I called her. She didn't answer her phone, so I left a voice mail apologizing again and closing with "I love you." I waited a bit. No return phone call. I am pretty keyed up by the whole thing. She eventually calls back and starts screaming at me. This time I hang up on her. She calls back and is a little more rational. We talk and talk and talk. It comes out that to her I really hadn't gotten any better. She still could not depend upon me to do things for her. This was a shock to me. I had been making a conscious effort to improve in that area. We kind of make up. I'm still a little shaken by my apparent lack of progress.

Round #2

The kids are out of school. Sybil decides to take them shopping at a local outlet mall, and I'll meet them for lunch. Lunch time rolls around, and I call her. Son #1 answers the phone and tells me they are at home. I am a bit surprised because of the plans. He says he isn't going out to shop and to lunch. He hands the phone to Sybil. I ask, if I need to bring any food home. She says no and then goes into a spiel about a bank statement. Now, I'm not driving anywhere, yet. I'm still in my car waiting in the parking lot. With the information that Son #1 gave and the conversation about the bank statement, it seems to me that the family is at home, and the plans have changed. I start driving home. As we're talking, Sybil asks where I am. When she finds out, she goes nuts. She starts yelling at as to why would I do that, when we had plans for lunch. I explain to her what our son said and her possibly needing my help with the statement, so I thought the plans had changed.

Things deteriorate from there. Sybil thinks that I have placed what Son #1 said as more important than what she said. Not true I counter. I just made a decision and thought the plans had changed. No avail. My mistake did not inconvenience her any. It was the principle of not taking her seriously or getting information from her, directly.

Despite what I feel like are my best efforts, I am losing ground. Things right now haven't been this bad for awhile. I'm not sure I can go on much longer. I'm not sure Sybil can either.