Originally, I had planned to write a post about my waning libido. Since Sybil and I had an interesting blow-up last night, you get spared that post...for a while.
Let me set the scene.
Daughter had a friend come over for an afternoon visit. It's now supper time, and we have no food in the house (naturally). Sybil recommends a certain restaurant, which everyone was in favor of, and we go eat. Around 8:15 pm we leave the restaurant to take the friend home. We arrive around 8:30 pm. We stand outside and talk for a few minutes, Sybil wants to go inside and look at our mutual friend's new cabinets. The friend and I chit-chat, and Sybil rejoins us. During the course of the conversation, the friend remarks that she is tired. I look at my watch, and see that it is nearly 8:45 pm. Since we try to have our kids in bed by 9:00 pm on a school night, I think it is time to go. I make a couple remarks to that end. Sybil indicates that it is time to go, so I get our kids loaded up in the van. The kids and I sit in the van for about 8 minutes. I see Sybil turn as if she is about to join us. She stops and resumes talking to our friend. Thinking this may be a while, I shut the engine off. Sybil gives a me a glance. After a few minutes, she joins us, being very silent. We go home.
Apparently, I am rude. I used shutting off the engine as a statement to let her know that I was more than ready to go home. When she told me that, it did make sense, and I told so. Although in my heart of hearts I did not mean that act to signify that, I can understand why shutting off the engine would be a signal. I, simply, did not want to keep the car running any longer than necessary.
As the argument progressed, I was told that I am a jerk for not having any faith in Sybil. It does not matter that a 5 minute conversation between these two women always turns into a 30 minute holding pattern. Always. I have no faith in her. Therefore, I am a jerk.
I was born a poor, black child.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
12 comments:
Is it horrible that I laughed really hard at the last line? Love that movie.
I honestly don't know how you deal with this stuff all the time. I feel like Sybil's views are so out of sync with reality. She takes a comment and spins it into whatever she wants.
I know your pain, Queenie is 'similar' in some ways .....
Have learned over the years to shut off the engine when we get there and not to turn it on until she's in the car.... UNLESS I feel like an argument! Also learned to say it once (time to go) and shut up. Reminders seem to be challenges to her to see how long the conversation can drag out! And honest, she was ready to leave before I was so rude.
Ahhh, the married life .... yes dear, of course dear, you're right dear. :)
You see, the problem is (I believe, because Sybil and SWMNBN have similar traits), is that it doesn't matter what your intention was. All that matters is what your actions were interpreted by them to mean.
To argue it is fruitless. The "intent" doesn't matter in the face of the perception.
so gone over you-
"They're shootin' the cans!"
How do I deal with it? Well, I feel that I must. I chose to marry her (granted these traits weren't evident then).
xi summit-
You're much smarter than me. It takes about 2 or 3 hundred times for it to sink in.
joe flirt-
I believe you have come closer than almost anyone. It isn't the action; it's the perception. Reality must take a back seat.
I could see how she could take that as a sign that you probably thought she would be a while, and she probably further interpreted as you're way of letting her and her friend know you were annoyed at being detained. Not that that was what you intended... but I could see how she could get that.
Next time I'd just laugh and say something along the lines of, "Heck even five seconds worth of gas is worth saving with the prices these days. Go talk to her some more. No skin off of my nose!" Maybe it would have worked, maybe not... who knows.
square1-
I do see her point. I can see why my action could be misconstrued as a some kind of statement. The problem I have is that she refuses to see my side of it. Scorched earth arguing.
The kinds of trivial little things that cause these blowups cause me to wonder what would happen if something really serious happened in your marriage.
"I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi."
ftn-
Nothing is trivial to Sybil. Everything is important.
Lest you think better of me than reality, it tool 2-300 times for me to get it ... :)
That's what 21yrs can do for ya ..
And like Sybil Queenie doesn't necessarily believe in small issues ....
Oh, and I need to mention that after semi-bragging on here I stepped in it big time myself just as soon as I could. Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor??
"I, simply, did not want to keep the car running any longer than necessary."
Been there...done that. Good for you for being practical. Too bad she's too self-involved and busy looking for reasons to be upset not to appreciate your saving money for your family while she jabbers...probably about nothing of any consequence.
been in that situation many times. My responses have varied from apologizing profusely to end the argument as ASAP to standing my ground and getting shelled for hours . Then my passive aggressive side might kick in and I will "forget" to pay a bill or something (Always the mature response)
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