Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

*WARNING* Too much information.

I think now is a good time to revisit a subject that has been bothering me for a long time: by lagging libido.

When I was a teenager, I was pretty typical in that I wanted to have sex ALL OF THE TIME. Looking back, it seems that was all that was on my mind. Girls were developing all sorts of interesting aspects to their anatomy, and I was enjoying the development. The girls I dated usually kept the brakes on, so I was not having any sex (if you believe Bill Clinton). At least not sexual intercourse. It wasn't until I was a senior in high school that I had my first episode of sexual intercourse. It was less than I expected.

In college I had intercourse with 3 women, but did other things with about 3 more. I was still wanting it ALL OF THE TIME. However, I learned that sex usually came with an emotional price tag. I wouldn't have sex unless we both used the "L" word. I felt I was pretty normal in my desire for sex ALL OF THE TIME.

In grad school, the class work was much more intense. I took about 25 hours of classes each quarter. There was little time for meeting the opposite sex, except for those in the same grad school. Since it was a very small school and many were married, the odds were against me. I met Sybil there, and we became very serious. We had SEX ALL OF THE TIME.

Sybil became pregnant, I loved her and couldn't imagine not raising my child, so I married her. For the first few years we had SEX some OF THE TIME. However, it wasn't until we were married that Sybil showed "Sybil-ness." During this time I came to realize that she has a temper. A really quick, bad temper. Having grown up in a house with a woman that could quickly become unhinged (a topic for another post...Freud would love it), I learned to walk on eggshells. When Sybil is in her sweet mode, she is very caring and loving. When she is in her pissed off mode, there is nothing on this side of hell that would change her emotional state.

Today, I am facing a change in my libido. Why is this? I could have SEX ALL OF THE TIME. Sybil is accommodating. This has really bothered me. I've even talked to my doctor about it. He knows the kind of stress I have with my profession, so he chalked it up to that. I agree it is stressful, but I'm not sure it is work related. I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing things. Work tends to stay at work, and home tends to stay at home. If I've had a really bad day at work, I may need about an hour to regroup. Afterwards, I'm fine. Nope. I think it is the stress and strain of home.

Home should be a refuge. Home should be a fortress against the world. For me home has increasingly become more stressful than anything at the office. There have been times that I would rather stay at the office than go home. That is one of the things affecting my libido.

My decreased desire to have SEX ALL OF THE TIME with Sybil has nothing to do with her outward appearance. When we go out, men turn their heads to watch her. She is still very attractive. In fairness to Sybil, it is not all because of her emotional issues. Sometimes I get tired of doing all of the work. I get tired of plain, ol' vanilla sex.

Her idea of foreplay: holding my hand right before she falls into the land of Nod. Wow. That really revs my engine. When we have sex, it is mainly on me. I have to be the one to take charge. I don't mind doing it some of the time, but all of the time becomes tiring. I have to deal with that in deciding what to have for lunch. Rarely does she decide that, much less how to have sex.

So that's the situation. What is to be done? Talking? Right, that always fixes things. I've done it until I could puke coat hangers. Unfortunately, we're dealing with basic personality issues. Those cannot be talked away. Confronting someone on every, single issue eventually will make that person avoid one like the plague. Compromise is good, when BOTH do it.

I hope you've enjoyed me venting my spleen.

Tagged

LBP has tagged me. He is interested to know who I've played or would want to play in some sort of drama. Since this helps to take my mind of the drama in my life, I'll play along.

In high school I was a thesbian. That's TH not L, although I enjoy having sex with women. I guess in that way I do have lesbian tendencies. But I digress.

I was involved in drama, and I was on the speech team in high school. I was pretty decent. My best friend and I did a duet acting piece and came in 6th in the state. It was pretty funny piece from a serious play dealing with Viet Nam veterans in a VA hospital. I played a dumb hick. I'm a character actor. I was also involved in the high school musicals. Since I can't sing, I was relegated to playing bit parts. The drama teacher promised my friend and me a play just for those that can act but cannot sing. Alas, it was never meant to be.

I'm not sure what character I'd like to play. Some of the characters I've enjoyed watching were: Josey Wales, Porter (Mel Gibson's Payback), etc. These characters share some common traits: a prickly nature, goal oriented, moral flexibility. Although I tend to be goal oriented, most people around me find me to be a lot of fun. I like cracking jokes and making those around me feel at ease with me. Go figure.

Pretty accurate

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists. Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 82% Neo orthodox 79% Emergent/Postmodern 71% Charismatic/Pentecostal 61% Reformed Evangelical 57% Roman Catholic 54% Fundamentalist 39% Classical Liberal 39% Modern Liberal 29% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

This little quiz was accurate because I've been thoroughly indoctrinated by the Methodist faith my whole life.

Run Away! Run Away!

Came across this post. Amanda is complaining that her boyfriend won't do anything around the house, and the things he does do are not to her specifications.

This post brings up an interesting dichotomy in my marriage. Sybil is much more...shall we say...particular on how things are done. If I am folding clothes and do not fold UNDERSHIRTS to her specifications, then she gets her feelings hurt. If I am loading the dishwasher and do not PREWASH the dishes before washing them, then she gets her feelings hurt. I remember the time that Son #1, a friend, friend's son and I were going backpacking. Sybil was still sound asleep, when we left. Needing a spatula, I grabbed what was the oldest, most used one to take along. About 45 minutes into the drive, I get a phone call from an irate Sybil because I grabbed her FAVORITE spatula. Hell, I didn't know she knew how to cook (since we eat out ~99% of the time), much less had a favorite spatula.

Reading Amanda's post made me think of how things will go with her boyfriend. Since he will not do anything to her specifications, she will nag at him for not doing a good enough job. She will forget that he is trying to please her, and she will only focus on what a moron he is for forgetting that the proper way to fold clothes is her way. Said boyfriend will decide it isn't worth the aggravation and quit doing it. This isn't being passive-aggressive. There have been many "discussions" about these certain things. In order to maintain some semblance of peace, the boyfriend will, simply, stop.

Amanda will not see herself as being that anal retentive. She, instead, will focus only on the boyfriend and his apparent need to make her angry. As an aside, no man purposefully tries to make his wife/girlfriend angry, playful jibing, maybe but not angry. As time marches on Amanda will come to feel that her boyfriend is lazy and doesn't want to help out because he expects her to do everything. They will fall into the cliche of the woman doing all of the housework. Her resentment towards him will grow. Eventually, they will break up.

A few questions:

1. Why is HER way the ONLY way?
2. Is there no credit for the attempt or is it pass/fail?
3. Does Amanda (and women like her) need to grow up?