Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Letting Go

Thank you to everyone that commented on my last post. No, Sybil and I will not be divorcing anytime soon. I know, I know there are literally...one or two ladies that are saddened by this. A commenter suggested that I should just leave her, and my life would be better.

Ahh...if it were that easy. I'm sure anyone that has gone through divorce will tell you that leaving someone is not an easy thing to do. Yes, Sybil has a way of driving me insane. Yes, she can invoke a sense of quiet desperation. Is that a reason to leave her? Like any big decision, one must way the pros and the cons.

Now, I have done that before on this blog. To sum it up, the grass would not be greener elsewhere. The damage done to my children, my finances, is too great to risk. Also, what one sees on this blog is a small microcosm of my life. Remember, I started the blog to "vent my spleen."

One of the reasons for my lack of posting is my "letting go." I can't get bogged down in the petty drama that Sybil (and many women, in my experience) produces. Having "discussions" over petty, little things all of the time is counter productive, but that is Sybil. She worries about the little things in hopes that the big things take care of themselves. I've decided that she can worry about the small stuff. I'll let that be her "job." I find that people that worry about the small stuff tend to be stressed out all of the time. Whenever I do that, I know I am.

One benefit of this blog is letting me peek into other marriages/relationships. Having done so, I see that mine is pretty good. I read many that complain about their spouses (who doesn't). I guess I prefer the evil I know to the evil I don't know. Blogging has definitely helped me keep things in perspective. That isn't easy. We tend to get wrapped up in our own drama. We tend to forget the pain that others are suffering. Also, we tend to think we are alone in the struggle.

So, for the benefit of my marriage, my relationship with my children, and my mental health, I must work on letting some things go. Now, where does that leave this blog? Well, I'm sure I don't have the readership that I did. I probably will continue posting, but the posting will be less about Sybil and my drama and more about relationships in general.

Until then, hasta la vista.


Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're not quiting the blog entirely - I enjoy reading you!


Anonymous said...

Well, good to hear once again that things are not what they seem and that you feel you can cope with your situation. Also hppy to hear you're still going to be in the game, I'm looking forward to reading more about you world.


Anonymous said...

Ahh... that sounds very similar to the closing of my "One To The Nth Power" chapter. Which by the way Mr. Muse finally got the old URl back for and we will be starting up some kind of shared blog on it, like I always wanted to do.

I understand that what we get to see here is only a very small part of the whole. A very tiny window at the very best. This is why my old blog was such a point of contention between Mr. Muse and I. People were hearing my voice, and seeing through my tinted window, but could not reconcile his tinted window with mine, which left him feeling quite villainized. I can't say that I blame his disgruntlement over it in hindsight.

I look forward to the things you find on relationships. Information is always great. And so what if some of your readership drops off. Yeah, yeah... I know. There's a stab of satisfaction you get knowing someone thought enough of what you had to say to actually respond. But blogging shouldn't just be about you... it should be for you.

I hung up mine for such a long time because I just needed to get back to the right reasons for doing it. I saw your blog start from the very beginning, and from there forward, though I know there are time you want to wring her neck, I can tell that you love her very much. Sometimes love may not be enough, but it's a good foundation that can always be built on. Part of building is realizing that for as many faults as we see in our partners, we harbor just as many. And as much as we long for our spouses to overlook our own is how much we should be willing to forbear theirs.

FTN said...

Good. Don't get hung up on the small stuff. If she insists on stressing out about it, she's going to live a life of anxiety, but perhaps by showing her that you don't HAVE to live that way, she'll see it and recognize it.

Go ahead and write about relationships in general, or theology, or music, or your pet ferret. I'm sure we'll still stop by and read it. And post a comment telling you to get a divorce.


Anonymous said...

You have to do whatever you determine is best for you. I wanted to leave my marriage YEARS before I actually did. And if he hadn't cheated I probably would have stayed longer than I did.

I'll just say good luck and I really hope the marriage improves.

aphron said...


Nope, I'm not quitting the blog. Most blogs last a couple of years anyway. For various circumstances, many blogs tend to end in about 3 years.

As for the marriage, I've come to realize that I was letting Sybil get to me and, in effect, control me. Between working 50 to 60 hours a week, shuttling three kids to various activities, dealing with Sybil's "personalities," it became too much for me. In order to decrease my contribution to the stress, I decided to let it go.

As for the duration of my marriage, Sybil and I are committed to making it. That is very important. If it weren't for that, no couple can make it. I cannot expect Sybil to change just because I want her to. Instead, I have to allow myself to accept it. Some might say she is abusive, but I would say that she is controlling. She wants the illusion of being in control, mostly of herself.

Chris said...

Hello, you have a wonderful blog, but I can't find your email address, can you please contact me at linkexchange@edenfantasys.com? I have something to discuss with you
Regards, Chris
(Please can you delete this comment after your decision?)

Zeno said...

Best of luck. I respect your making the decision rationally. As long as in some way she makes it worthwhile for you, you're still doing well...especially compared to most.

I'll still look forward to reading you as I have for a long time. You have a mind worth hearing.

Zeno said...

And a big "amen" to the dangers of doing too much in our lives. Doing "enough" and having the strength to say "No, thank you" to those outside your family who try to demand your time -- and take it away from giving to your family in healthy ways -- is a critical skill in modern life. Too many people try to "have it all" and end up having nothing.

aphron said...


Today's families are stressed out because of outside factors as much as internal ones. With three kids and their activities, Sybil and/or I don't come home until around 9:00. By the time we get everything done that needs doing, we are very tired. For readers that have small children a word of warning: it sneaks up on you. Fortunately, as they get older, the children start to self-limiting their activities. Some things they were doing just don't have the appeal they used to have.

Anonymous said...

Aphron, your last comment is incredibly true. Since we have been more involved in our religious community this last holiday month, Mr Muse and I are going through burn-out right now. People are still inviting us to activities in the community and we are having to tell them no. Some don't understand that having small children and attending school is already an exhausting schedule, and then of course the kids want to go to the parties and pic-nics so they can play with other children.

Thankfully however we will get some respite today. A friend of mine is going to babysit for a few hours this afternoon so Mr. Muse and I can have a little time to ourselves, and hopefully so that I can get a little house work done. Mr. Muse is the priority at this point.