The one single piece of advise I would give a woman about to be married is this: don't be a nag.
I know sometimes women feel that they are not being listened to or taken seriously. Do you really think nagging one's husband is really the answer? Trying to be helpful is a good thing, but taken to the extreme it becomes like so much other background noise. Something to be tuned out. Also, men already have one mother. If we wanted to listen to someone telling us how we were screwing everything up, we would have stayed home and lived with our mother. Let me give you a case in point.
It's Sunday morning and I have to get everyone up and moving, if we are to go to church. That includes Sybil. Actually, she is the worst one. Now, yesterday was cold. No doubt about it. I told the kids to make sure they dress appropriately. To put on a coat. Sybil, naturally, is the last one down and ready to go. I've already made sure the kids are ready. There is no way we'll get there on time. As per usual, we are going to be 30 minutes late. As we get into the car, Sybil looks at Daughter and sees the kind of coat she picked out. It is not a very well insulated one, but it is a coat. Meanwhile, Sybil has on two light coats. Son #2 has on a hoody (Son #1 wasn't with us). I don't have a coat on, but I am wearing a turtleneck sweater. Fortunately, I am rarely ever cold.
As we are driving to church, Sybil starts in about me not making sure the kids are properly dressed for the temperature. She notes that I am not properly dressed and am a poor role model for the kids. For the 15 minute drive, this is all I hear. Since I am trying to stir up as little controversy as possible, I merely explain that I did instruct the kids to wear a coat. I did tell the kids it is going to be cold. I kind of feel like the kids are old enough to know what to wear. Of course, this is wrong. Not only did I not enforce the coat wearing, but also I am not wearing a coat either.
As we are walking into the church, Sybil is still going on about it. Finally, I say "Whatever" and go to Sunday School. She goes to the nursery to help out there. During Sunday School, I start replaying the conversation and realize her intentions are noble. Afterwards, I go to her and apologize for my behavior. The kicker is, later that evening, she accuses me of trying to start a fight.
So women, please do not nag your husband. Although your intentions may be noble and it may feel like the thing to do, nothing good will really come of it. Either he will tune you out completely, simply pay lip service to you, or he will react with anger.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
7 comments:
This really can be applied to all spouses, regardless of gender. In my house, my husband is the nagger and I am the naggee, 90% of the time. He is the holier than thou, "you're doing it wrong but God forbid I should do it instead" person.
You must not live anywhere near me - our temps never got out of the teens (F) all weekend. We have a 5 minute drive to church and I wouldn't have chanced it without a coat. And I am the one who goes without a coat well into winter here - but below 25 degrees (F) or so, I wear one. I break out the gloves LONG before the coat.
Agree with bunny...because I'm not a nagger, it's the other way around... ;)
And hey bunny...my god...you are like describing my future if ever I marry my bf now...
I'm trying my best! I feel as though nagging is a habit I could easily fall into.
bunny-
I may be painting with a wide brush. I guess my observations are the usually it is the wife that nags. Anyway, where we live anything below 40 is cold. Of course, Sybil thinks anything below 40 is FREEZING.
mariposa-
Hopefully, you'll go into things with your eyes open.
satan-
Fight the temptation.
I confess, I am a recovering nag. What really woke me up was hearing how guys at work talked about their wives. It reaaly it home . . . and hurt. I didn't want my husband to think of me the way they did about their wives. OMG!
And another thing that helped me change: my daughter (almost 19) can be a . . . okay, she can be a real pain in the butt. I told my husband that if I had ever acted that way I sincerely apologize. He said, "No comment!" :o)
Too bad your wife didn't think it's important enough to get her butt down there and make sure it's taken care of to her specs. My Ex might have thought I was a nag, but I made sure I did the footwork to get it done to my desires instead of lounging around and griping about the efforts of others.
You either have stronger nerves than I, or a strong will to not be angry in front of the children. My wife can vouch for me saying that if she attempted to criticize me for something like that for several minutes, I would have lost it. I would have put up with a comment or two at the onset, but once its said, I don't accept any further information without getting pissed off and showing it.
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