1 Corinthians 7:3-5.
That passage is the Apostle Paul telling the folks in Corinth that married couples should be getting it on. It even talks about the husband owning the wife's body, and the wife owning the husband's body. What does that mean? Is a wife supposed to submit control over to her husband? Husband to wife? Control still keeps cropping up. In today's post, boys and girls, I am setting that aside. You see, I am not in the mood.
I have chronicled Sybil's and my interactions fairly faithfully up until recently. I stopped, because I saw it as a form of complaining and inaction. Just because I have lessened my posting on Sybil does not mean things have really improved.
It seems that I am not in the mood...to have sex with my wife. At this moment in time, if I had choose between sex with Sybil and reading an interesting book, I'd choose the book. We have not had sex in over 2 weeks. Now, that may not be a long time for some, but that is a long time for us. The stress of marriage and the stress of work seemed to have sapped my desire away.
The decrease is almost scary. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would be going through this. Maybe raw oysters are needed?
Developing...
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
9 comments:
I'm not sure I blame you for not being in the mood. The restrictions on the activity would be frustrating to me...
This may not help, but it's quite normal for guys to go through a season where career/family zap their desire. What may help, though, is not thinking about it so much. A really strange thing happens to my husband when I'm not even thinking about sex -- he gets in the mood.
I can't help you on this one. My wife and I went about two months because I just couldn't find the desire (yes, good books sounded better). Then we had a few days of sex, and now seem to be back to not having desire.
first, I think people consistently and persistenly underestimate the negative imapct stress can have on sexual drive - yes, on ANY sexual drive, men or women.
Add to that the lingering and underlying issues you and Sybil have when it comes to sex (one of the most insidious being the necessity that it is always YOU who initiates) and its pretty "normal" to have a dip in desire ....
When all is said and done, I think you're describing something most people go through - keeping in mind a lot of what you read out here on the WWW is a whole lot of BS (I mean, seriously, I read these blogs where they are having wild crazy sex every single night and twice a day- get REAL- when does REAL life actually happen?).
So, don't worry - you're a healthy guy, the equilibrium WILL return ...
As you may well know, I understand where you are at quite well. While there is only so much I can say on-line, feel free to email.
Are you perhaps depressed? Hopefully this will pass, but if it doesn't talk to your doctor (do I sound like a TV commercial or what?) Lack of desire can be a sign of depression. Or a sign of a jerky spouse. One of those.
so gone over you -
I think having my "creativity" stifled doesn't help. It probably adds to the underlying problems.
phyllis renee -
Hopefully, this is a phase. I wonder, if turning 40 this year, has anything to do with it?
the silent male -
We will have periods of increased sexual activity. Then things return to where they were.
selkie -
I tend to agree with your assessment about stress. The negative impact stress has is immense. Stress causes a lot of physiological as well as psychological problems.
xavier -
I emailed you. I appreciate any insight you may have.
bunny -
Am I depressed? Maybe. Possibly. I do not think depression is correct diagnosis but part of it. Stress probably is the root cause. Stress may be leading to depression.
all -
Thanks for commenting. I think you all are on track. Selkie probably is closest to the mark. Stress within and without my marriage has been building for quite sometime. What's the cure? I do not think there is one. I think this is my life?
Seems to be a lot of that going around... if you figure out, let me know. I'm not interested in trying.
Two weeks may indeed seem a long time, but I haven't got any in nearly two YEARS. My wife has iron fisted control over our sex life. She manipulates me because I love her. I know it, she knows it. She's just much more ruthless than I. Lights out, missionary, removal of only enough clothes to complete the act. She rools over and ignores me after asking repeatedly "are you done yet?" She says its because of sexual abuse she experienced in her childhood, and if I loved her I'd hate sex too knowing how badly she hates it.
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