Although my frequency of posting has gone down considerably, do not think for an instant there is less drama, gently reader. Oh no. Much of the reason for my dirth in posting has to do with being very busy (I run my own business, have 3 active kids, and, oh by the way, am married). I do want to post this, which happened about 2 days ago.
Sybil awoke and informed me that she was hurt and angry with me. Now, I had not even had time to do anything to her, since I was about to leave for the office, and she had just popped her eyes open. What, pray tell, was the matter? It seems that I was divorcing her for another woman. That was news to me. I have written here before about divorce and my feelings about it (I'm too lazy to link to it). Also, not only was I going to divorce Sybil, but also for my brother's wife's sister. It seems that Sybil has had a miniseries of dreams for the past few days in which I was leaving her and the family for a woman that met once several years ago at my brother's wedding.
I know dreams can be powerful things. However, I was not prepared for how much Sybil was bothered by this. There is no logical reason for this to occur, yet for the next 3 days she was throwing comments around about the "incident." Enough so that I was left with the feeling that she truly believed that her dreams were a harbinger of things to come.
I do wonder, if that goes to her insecurity? If Sybil is insecure, then why hasn't she modified her behavior towards me?
Sybil, is that you?
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
11 comments:
Could it be that you're selfishly debying Sybil enough REAL drama in her life and that is causing her to dig deeper for what she craves?
Just wondering, ya know .....
I. . . that is. . . ummmm. . . there are no words. . .
You're about to divorce her in her dreams? Is that an 'anxiety dream', or wishful? I mean, she's the one who's dreaming, so maybe you ought to be upset with her, for dreaming you out of her life. . .
I'd be tempted to make the appearances of cozying up to the SIL's sis, just for fun. . .
But no. . . don't do that. . . wouldn't be prudent. . .
Ha. This one made me laugh, and I had to go back and find when I wrote about my own similar experience here.
Autumn, at least, realized she was being silly to be mad at me for A DREAM.
So how did you react to this? Would Sybil be upset if you just laughed about it?
You need to develop a look. A penetrating look that you just use on her when she starts talking about something like this. If it works right, she starts looking inside herself about what she is saying instead of putting it on you.
If it doesn't work...eh, you probably don't want to know (ok, so I am just guessing, I really don't know how this stuff works).
Xavier- Possibly. I've really worked hard on changing how I handle Sybil. Basically, I try to defuse the situation before she escalates it. Or, I could be a gutless wonder.
Desmond Jones- It could be her wishful thinking. I doubt it. The problem of cozying up to SIS is that I can't remember what she looks like. Bro got married abotu 4 or 5 years ago, and I haven't seen her since. If memory serves, NO ONE will see me cozying it up...if you know what I mean.
FTN- I just LMAO. I think Sybil wanted me to have a different reaction other than laughing. What other reaction could I have? She wasn't upset, but I think she thought I would settle her insecurities.
Silent Male- I have a friend that has that look. I am trying to do that. The problem is my buttons get pushed, and I find myself reacting. In this case, all I could do was laugh.
Gutless? Not likely. It takes real guts, a real man to recognize when something is too trivial to fight over. In a culture where it's OK to fight about how to 'install' toilet paper, learning NOT to fight over insignificant scraps is almost a noble thing. True story ...
Xavier-
I've had the fight about toilet paper. The whole time I kept thinking, "This is totally pointless."
sighs. I can't believe someone is mad about THEIR own dream??
I'm glad your response was laughter. I can't imagine anything better, just because of the absurdity of it all. The dreams are about *her* feelings not yours. They are about her insecurities and fears. I have absolutely no advice on how to deal with that except for loving reassurance.
selkie-
It's pretty crazy. It's not the first time, either. The first time I kind of indignant, but now I just laugh and shrug my shoulders.
phyllis-
I guess I don't nurture her enough. I'm not someone's insecurities can be fixed by another.
Cool post as for me. I'd like to read more about that matter. Thanx for posting that data.
Joan Stepsen
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