But I am not really feeling alive. I'm not sure what the deal is, but I'm definitely in a funk. I'm not sure why. Probably stress. Living with Sybil, work, and kids make for a lot of stress.
I wish I could say my lack of posting means that Sybil and I had some sort of break through. Alas, it is more of the same. After nearly 17 years of marriage, we seem to be moving from romantic love towards agape love. Maybe that will be much deeper and satisfying? Sadly, all I want to do in bed is sleep.
Is this how affairs happen? When someone says, "I didn't mean for this to happen," are they in the same mental state as I? I've never believed that whole excuse. I will not be having an affair. The whole idea of having an affair is repugnant to me. The lingering pain that would cause is too much. Affairs are self-centered acts. Marriage is supposed to self-less. That being said, I do have more empathy for those that stray. The feeling of plodding along through life is a weight that is bearing down upon me.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
2 comments:
Well you know, biblically-speaking at least, 'agape-love' is the highest form of love. So it's not like it's a bad thing. . .
And I'm not sure exactly what you've got in mind when you say 'agape'; the Greek would mean something along the lines of 'selfless service' - love poured out for the other, without thinking of oneself. 'Agape' isn't synonymous with 'sexless'. Just sayin'. . .
I certainly can't speak for Sybil, or your marriage, but I do know that when I took more of an 'agape' (ie, 'selfless service') approach to Molly, all sorts of things went a whole lot better. . .
(And just speaking parenthetically, it can be a good thing to understand why some folks might have affairs; if only just to realize that it wouldn't be a huge stretch for you to be tempted by it. . .)
Desmond- agape is the correct term. The love has transcended physical love. That is good and bad. It is more meaningful on a higher level, but in a more worldly sense is sucks. As for an affair, I could never do that because of the love I have for Sybil and the pain it would cause. That is not to say temptation isn't there. The temptation is in the form of the physical realm in which I live. As I get older, I seem to be moving beyond that.
Post a Comment