Wednesday, April 28, 2010

On That Road to Hell...Redux

Well, I haven't posted a good fight between Sybil and me in awhile. This one is a doozy. I had to look up a fight that was similar to this one.

It all happened Saturday. Sybil asked me to install a special type of thermostat at the office. It automatically changes from heat to cool depending on the settings. Now, I'm a pretty smart guy, but I don't have a lot of experience with this sort of thing. I know it will take me awhile. Since there are two, I know it will take me awhile longer for two (although the second one was easier). While I'm trying to figure this out and install it correctly, Sybil sent me a text message. Since I'm deep in thought and really wanting to get the project done as quickly and efficiently as possible, I ignore the text. Sybil decides to call me. I had to stop everything and answer the phone. Apparently, I sounded irritated (which I was). This adds to up to a big no-no.

Later that night, my parents, Sybil, and I are in the living room talking. She wanted to know, if the thermostat in the house was same as the living room. I answered, "Yes". It wasn't, but the setup was the same. That is what I was trying to say, but I totally botched it. My father and I continued to talk about thermostats. Then I said, "No" to it being the same. Not realizing that I had contradicted myself. This was the final straw. As everyone drifted to bed, I noticed Sybil acting withdrawn. I thought, "WTF did I do THIS time?"

I let Sybil go to bed. I waited about 45 minutes (I was pretty steamed). I went to the bedroom. Now it is on. I kept asking Sybil what the problem was. She kept saying "Wow" like it was so obvious. Everytime I asked she said "Wow!" This went on for a long time. I was racking my brain about the conversation. She kept saying it had to do with what I said. "WTF," I thought. I went through the topics of conversation. Finally, I landed on the right one: the thermostat. Apparently, I lied to her about the thermostat, when she asked me about it. I told her one thing and told my father something else. Now, Sybil is in full victim mode: no one listens to her, no one cares about her, she is nothing but a "hole", she will just sleep on the floor because she is beneath me.

I apologized for my inconsistent answer. Profusely. I didn't mean to give inconsistent answers, but I did not lie. Why would I? Besides a lie has to do with intent: intentionally trying to mislead someone. I did not do that. I admitted to giving her a dumb answer but I did not lie. In giving her this answer, I revealed that I don't care about her. Sybil is nothing but a "hole" to me. I kept trying to reassure her that was not the case. I apologized many times.

Then Sybil brings up the texting thing. Whenever I hear my phone, I should check it no matter what I'm doing. Now, we have had discussions before about the proper role of texting: it is used for communication when one knows that the other party is busy. If the topic is more pressing, then one calls. Sybil says, "What if I had a wreck and I was bleeding profusely? You wouldn't know because you wouldn't answer your text." Huh? I answered that is pretty stupid because if someone is bleeding profusely, then I would expect a phone call. Saturday night conversation ended with Sybil sleeping on the floor and me sleeping in the bed.

Sunday morning comes along. I try to restart the conversation. Again, I am met with how I am a liar and don't care. Again, Sybil brings up the texting thing. Again, I apologize profusely. She refuses to accept it. She's heard it all before. She knows it is empty words. I don't think, I don't care about her, etc.

Since that day, Sybil has not worn her ring. She has a nice white mark there where it was. Right now, I don't even care. I'm tired of the drama. I'm tired of the resentment. I'm tired of having to watch every little thing I do. I'm tired of Sybil's constant criticism. What I did was stupid, but it does not rise to this level of drama! I didn't go out bar hopping without permission, I did not sleep with another person, I did not hit her, I did not do anything except make a stupid comment. Period. If she wants to take ring off as a symbol of divorce. Fine. I'm ok with that. As a matter of fact, I'm ok with her divorcing me. If I am such a terrible husband, then she should leave.

So I'm on that Road to Hell...again.

3 comments:

Val said...

I wish I had some snappy advice, but I'm afraid I don't...
I'm probably the least likely to be a shining example of good communication skills myself.

Mariposa said...

I can be her...as I've said before...just that, it will not take me very long to calm down...and maybe taking the ring off was too much...but then, I was reading her comments and looks like it's a big deal to her...and not what you did, but it has to do with how it made her feel...and obviously it is her feeling that matters because it is in her perspective and she is the recipient. /Sigh

I hope things are better now...I'm late, but really I hope to read something that says you're both okay.

Sending you some happy thoughts.

aphron said...

Val - I'll be the first to admit that I may not be the best communicator. It's just that her reaction is waaaaay over the top.

Mariposa - The problem is that it is very difficult to take care of another's emotional needs. I really have a hard time believing that what I did rose to that level. It isn't that I slept with another person or whatever.