I have been grappling with temptation. What causes temptation? Does temptation just spring up out of nowhere, or is it nurtured and allowed to grow? We are all tempted in our lives. It is how we deal with the temptation that defines our character. Jesus was tested for 40 days and nights even with kingdoms of the earth. He prevailed. Humans, however, are not the son of God. We often times fail our tests with temptation.
What is my temptation? With the power of the internet, I have been able to track down an ex-girlfriend. I have not spoken to nor even seen her in 20 years. Using a social website, I was able to see a picture of her and her husband. She looks happy, and I am happy for her. However, the pangs of "what may have been" remain. That is my real problem. It isn't that I want to radically alter my life and hers by reaching out and contacting her. What is really going on is my disillusionment of my own life. I have chronicled it here.
As I have noodled this temptation in my mind, I came to the realization that I created my life. I can complain about Sybil and my predicament. However, I am solely responsible. I could have altered things between Sybil and me a long time ago. I didn't for various reasons (excuses?). Sybil and I are not in a good place. This leaves us open to temptation.
8 comments:
i think what you are doing is fantasizing. Temptation would be if you or she had made contact and perhaps you found out that she was unhappy in her marriage. Don't beat yourself up over this. There are FAR WORSE thoughts to have. And the reasons/excuses you have for staying with your wife are the ones we all have. Welcome to the club.
At bottom, we all make our own choices, that lead us to *wherever* we are- but that doesn't mean we can't feel those pangs.
Open to temptation Sure... but are you? You say, "It isn't that I want to radically alter..." but seems to me, that would be the temptation part, if you *did* want to reach out, you would have to choose to resist that or give into it.
But, as Dad says, you're more fantasizing, and we all do that. Part of being human, I think.
Good to see a post from you though, hang in there!
Whatever the topic is...glad to hear from you!
Well...I don't this it is temptation...just part of those "what if" moments I guess. They say the grass seems greener on the other side...but it doesn't really mean it is. As for you and Sybil...I have only read what is written here and still I don't really think everything is just bad...or you might have left, or she might have left...maybe you have still find a reason to stay together and maybe right now you're not just able to see it.
Or what do I know. Pfft! :)
And as for real temptation...the only way to annihilate it is to yield to it! Ha! nuff said!
Regards!
You all are probably right. It is more of a fantasy rather than a temptation. The temptation lies in reaching out and contacting her. That is something that will only lead to ruin and heartache.
I think we tend to go into a fantasy world, when in a bad situation.
You might want to consider marriage counseling dealing with the root issues of why Sybil has such a strong need to control everyone and everything. This can be caused by a lot of deep seated fears and insecurity about how she feels about herself and sees herself, and the way she was treated by her parents and siblings growing up. Don't give up on the marriage. It also seems that she does not realize that she is using her words to tear you down, and there are communication issues between you two, that with the help of good books/tools/counselor will help decode. I'm sure she is in a lot of pain from the marriage as well as past experiences due to miscommunication or not getting enough love that she needs (also due to her not being able to respect you the way she needs to). Maybe she has never learned or had good examples of women respecting other men. There is a good book by Dr. Emerson "Love and Respect" which i highly recommend, they also have a DVD series which talks about the CRAZY cycle "when he doesn't love, she disrespects, when she disrespects, he stops loving" and on and on. Please seriously consider going for marriage counseling and get referrals from wise people. Marriage is a lot of work but it is worth fighting for, your victories affects the future not just of yourself and Sybil, but also that of your children and grand-children. Besides, every marriage comes with its own sets of challenges and problems, it's the how you overcome them that makes the marriage relationship richer. May the Lord strengthen you and protect the marriage covenant.
I am currently reading this book called "Boundaries" and there is a book called "Boundaries in Marriage" http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Marriage-Henry-Cloud/dp/031022151X. It deals with setting boundaries. Highly recommend it for you and your wife. You both would greatly benefit from the book and will be an eye opener. It covers topics such as personal responsibility and living with a controlling spouse. I copied and pasted the description of the book "Once we know the boundaries, we know who should be owning the problem we are wrestling with," they write. "This issue of ownership is vital to any relationship, especially marriage." But more significantly, couples need to claim and take responsibility for the "treasures that lie within their individual borders," such as: "feelings, attitudes, behaviors, choices, limits, desires, thoughts, values, talents, and love." Based on the book that elevated them to national prominence, Cloud and Townsend caution readers not to use this self-help manifesto as a means to change one's spouse. Rather, this is a book about taking responsibility for oneself in all aspects of life, but especially within the boundaries of marital commitment.
Temptation, fantasy, regret .... powerful yet potentially dangerous things.
What-ifs give us a distraction but also can remove us from taking action, paralyzing our moves and stunting progress. And life.
It is what it is is the new wonder-phrase in these parts but I much prefer the converse: It is not what it isn't. Looking back can teach us, but it can't save us from the present or the future. and it is in the present that we are stuck.
Eh, temptation is just temptation, and resistance to it is the order of the day (easier said than done, I realize. . .)
It's ACTING on the temptation that gets us in trouble. . .
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