Not Much Has Changed

Digger is back to posting.  He's got two posts in 6 weeks.  That's a lot.  Sadly, like me, his situation hasn't really changed.

As I stroll around the blogosphere, I read many situations similar to Digger's and mine.  Either the wife is totally disengaged from the marriage and offers none of the physical side of it, or the wife is a harpy from hell that thrives on drama, any drama, and sucks her stupid husband into it.

I wrote this post back in 2005.  In it, I start the process of detailing why marriage is a not a great idea for men.  Sadly, my attitude hasn't really changed much.  It's all so depressing.  I don't think anyone really has a Great marriage but the lucky ones have a Pretty Good marriage.  Eventually, most come to the conclusion that we prefer the devil we know to the devil we don't know.

That's the main reason I slacked off on posting.  It seems so pointless.  The blog started making me feel I "must,  like a whore, and unpack my heart with words".  Nothing was changing.  I seem unwilling to bring the situation to head.  That's the depressing part of it all.  As I look back, I see that I have created this situation.  I did not put boundaries on bad behavior, and I allowed Sybil to dictate terms to me.  I, actually, thought that Sybil was a rational being that would find a way to compromise to make everyone...maybe not happy...but everyone as happy as can be.  Nope.  That was not to be.  


Now, I'm almost 20 years into it; I've got 3 kids; a mortgage; etc.  Maybe I'm suffering from the "grass is greener" syndrome, but I doubt it.  If I hadn't gotten married, I would have had to work less and take on less stress because of my profession.  I would have more peace at home.  As it is, I have stress at the office and a huge, heaping helping at home.  The good news is I'll probably die young because of it.

I Hate Anniversaries

Sybil and I celebrate our 19th anniversary this weekend.  I have come approach each anniversary with a sense  fear and loathing.  I should be excited.  Nineteen years is a long time in today's world for two people to live together.  Not many can say it.  It should be a time of celebration.  However, Sybil can be a buzzkill like no one else.

I assume that most people have anniversaries that are filled with joy and laughter.  A day of celebration.  Not us.  Sybil always feels a need to ruin it by dispensing with drama.  This one was no exception.  We had to argue about things that I thought were resolved.  Nopey.  We had to regurgitate past incidents like last night's expired milk.  I blame myself, really.  Sybil manages to suck me into her drama.  It is only after the fact that I notice.  She plays on my emotions and keeps me off balance.  It's truly remarkable.  I have to learn to be in control and not let her pettiness become larger than life.

So, true to form, this anniversary was horrible.