Monday, February 27, 2017

Thank Goodness That Weekend Is Over

The longest three days of my life, I think.

Started Friday morning with me trying to form some sort of connection with Sybil.  I was telling her that I loved her and tried to get physical.  Trying to get something going...not just sex.  Anything.  Was not what she wanted.  I did not do it in a timely enough fashion; I only wanted sex; and I did not make it special enough.  Great.  Good.  Let the healing begin!

Friday night ended with a bang.  I told Sybil that I loved her.  She pressed me on what did I mean.  Now, I did not handle my reply well at all.  I told her that I liked her better when she was less angry and resentful.  I should have formed my reply better.  I admit it.  I have to keep things as sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns.  I was in a negative place and it came through.

Saturday was no better.  I tried to stay more positive, but my replies made Sybil think that I only thought of her as a business partner.  Fireworks ensued.  Meanwhile, my toddler son keeps saying "Mommy crying."  Awesome.  Again, I have to keep my feelings out of things, because Sybil can only handle sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns.  My feelings do not matter.

For the grand finale, Sunday night was the Mother of All Arguments.  To set the stage, I had made a comment that we had a lot of shows cluttering up our DVR.  We missed an episode of a show we like to watch, and I thought that might be the reason.  Now, when I perused the DVR list, I saw a bunch of the Real Housewife shows.  Sybil records every episode of every show.  She loves to watch it.  The drama helps feed the beast.  I had (see...past tense...you see where this is going) three shows DVRed (one of which I was saving for Easter).  I like to watch movies, so I had saved these recordings.  Last night I noticed they were no longer there.  I asked Sybil what happened, she said she erased them, and I kind lost my cool.  I did not yell or scream or anything.  I was irritated that she would erase these stupid movies without consulting me first.  She kept saying we had discussed the DVR clutter so she decluttered it.  I said what about 25 hours of Sesame Street that Son#3 will never watch that is still on the DVR?  She'll get to those.  Finally, her last words before storming off was, "I guess you'd rather watch a movie than talk to me."  It didn't matter that there were a ton of shows that NO ONE WATCHES!  She deleted my movies.  It was the principle of the thing.

Anyway, the night went down hill from there.  Major fireworks.  Again, I did not keep things in a non-challenging way.  I made her feel bad and questioned her.  I struck at the heart of her deep insecurity.  This made me the bad guy, I mean they are just dumb movies and they will come on again.  This morning I realized that she was wondering why her Real Housewife shows were disappearing off of the DVR.  I don't delete those, but the way she has it programed, the DVR will delete to make room.  Sybil will never admit in a million years that she deleted my stupid movies to make room for her shows, but that is what I suspect.

What did I learn from this weekend?  I must maintain Medium Chill no matter what the situation is.  I cannot really share my thoughts and feelings lest I face the backlash.  I learned that I have to take it like a man to keep my family together.  So I will continue to work on not showing or telling what I really feel.  I will live a lie because I believe it is better for Son#3, who is less than 3, to have two parents living together.

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