Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Rage

I'M JUST BEING EXPRESSIVE!

Rage: violent, uncontrollable anger.

Abuse: to treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly. 

On the National Domestic Violence Hotline website, the gender pronouns are in the feminine (because men are NEVER abused).  I wonder what kind of treatment I'd get, if I called.  Anyway, on the site's wheel, I see that I seem to fit many of the categories of abuse: using cohersion and threats; using intimidation; using emotional abuse; using isolation; and minimizing, denying and blaming.  The only categories not in use are male privilege (for obvious reasons) and economic abuse. 


Anyway, it is disconcerting that Sybil can go from 0 to pissed off in the literal blink of an eye.  It kept me off balance for so long.  I always seemed to be reactive.  Now I am focusing on being proactive.  The problem is it is kind of exhausting.  I can never relax around her.  I have to make sure I am vanilla in all of my statements and replys.  No longer am I worried (afraid?) about another episode.  Instead, I look at it as a complete waste of my life.  Looking back, I've wasted so much precious time worthlessly JADEing with Sybil.  Now, I just don't care.  I think that what was evident during our last bout.  That is why she was making threatening and abusive statements.  She wasn't getting the desired effect, so she has to ramp it up.   I am kind of numb.  I feel kind of like a hypocrit.  I am nice to her and tell her that I love her, but I know secretly I would rather live in a box under a bridge. Sobering.

It's amazing how when someone is in the thick of things, they do not even realize how bad it is.  Frog meet boiling water.




2 Comments:

At 6/25/2017 09:41:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, "Expressive". Nice euphemism for 'serious anger management issues' (rolls eyes ;-) ). In any case, indeed, expect the manipulative PD behavior to escalate a bit when in the thick of reinforcing boundaries. They'll sniff out the subtle shifts in power and push to get the reaction they have in the past always been able to count on for easy Narc supply. But it is a lot harder for them to keep playing their destructive mind games if the other person simply checks out. I don't know if it's so much hypocritical, as much as it's simply 'survival'. In the face of all the PD crazy making, something's got to give somewhere, no? Whatever the case may be, thank goodness you were finally able to connect the dots. Some never do, so it's better late than not at all....

 
At 6/26/2017 08:06:00 AM, Blogger Aphron said...

The "checks out" thing is what I do. For funnsies, I asked her if I am demanding. At first she seemed confused, like may be I was setting a trap. We talked a bit more with me telling her that I was curious. Of course she could not give an answer. Instead, she said that I don't talk and check out. I'm not sure how that is being demanding. Of course, this the way she turns the conversation around to whatever she is demanding.

 

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