Wednesday, July 12, 2017

I Hate Weekends

It never fails.  Sybil makes life unbearable during the weekends.  We always have a major blow up because she feels triggered about not being listened to or I'm not communicating with her.  I have come to dread weekends, especially Sunday night.

The appearance is that a week's worth of petty issues makes Sybil's "cup full".  She has to empty the cup and that takes place Sunday night.  While this past weekend was, thankfully, an exception.  We had our blow up Saturday night.  At least I got a decent night's sleep Sunday night.

Short version: I was outside until dark dealing with a wasp issue on Son#3's playset.  I waited until near dark because they have a hard time seeing.  I knew that Sybil and Son#3 were outside in a different part of the yard.  After finishing killing the wasps, I did not hear nor see them (it was dark, remember).  I went inside the house.  I was in for an indeterminate amount of time (I say one amount; Sybil, naturally, says a different amount).  Sybil and Son#3 came inside.  I remarked, "Oh, you're here."  This triggered Sybil.  She started in, not yelling, but definitely speaking to me in a disrepectful manner about how I should have known they were still outside.  I kind of JADEd but kept it to one or two statements that I repeated. After listening to her and taking it, I said, "You don't have to speak to me in that manner."  To which she quipped, "If you give me those kinds of remarks, I'll always talk to you this way."  In my mind the conversation was over at this point.

That night it was on.  Sybil was triggered because I stopped talking to her.  I pointed out her comment to me.  To which, she completely and categorically denied ever saying it.  Gaslighting to the extreme.  She even stated that if someone made that comment, she would take it as an insult.  She never said it, in her mind.  Never mind I could give every detail about where I was in the room, where she was in the room, and what was going on.  Finally, she gave a millimeter and said, "You're remembering a previous conversation.  I never said that."  Gaslighting.  In the past I would have questioned myself.

Anyway, conversation naturally was not about trying to come to a concensus but for her to express her anger with me.  To which, I tried to maintain Grey Rock and Medium Chill.  Instead of trying to not say anything, which only makes her feel more triggered, I worked on bland, vanilla statements.  I maintained a couple of talking points.  I just cannot believe we are having a heated argument about this crap.

It is not the fact that Sybil is triggered by her perceived being ignored that makes me angry.  It is that I point ways inwhich she actively acts like she does not care about my emotions that makes me angry...I am beyond frustrated.  With the Gaslighting and splitting and general narcissism, I am nearing the end of my rope.


At 7/16/2017 05:50:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sobsorry, that really is so obnoxious, yet so typically Narc, of your wife. Narcs really can, and really will, rewrite history when and as it suits them, and then actually even believe their own ridiculous lies. Deep down they surely must know better -- that they are bald-faced lying, yet they are so disordered and twisted that they'll never in a million years admit it, not even to themselves. That if they THINK it (that they didn't say what they said, or didn't do what they did), then they can make it so . That's 'magical thinking' for you . Either that, or she is so beyond thinking of you as a person -- thinking that you were put on this earth simply to act as her foil in life.... someone for her to resist and degrade and use as her personal punching bag, that because of this you deserve nothing more than to be lied to, railed against and gaslighted. It's probably the latter. Either way it's ugly. Really, really ugly Narc shenanigans.

At 7/17/2017 09:46:00 AM, Blogger aphron said...

Yes. I really had to stop and think about what happened. Most of it was trumped up. She blamed me for not talking to her from the get go, yet when pressed she could not give a rationale. I'm just a jerk. I finally just gave up and decided it was pointless. She's being Sybil. The gaslighting was very intense, though.


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