today, i release u of any responsibility for me since i dont exist in ur life and u dont need me in ur life. u dont have to spend another christmas seeing me disappointed...this will make the 5th time! i have cried every christmas except for the one time u and the boys went to visit ur mom...and i did not exist then either. u never sent me pictures until prompt by me and never tried to call or communicate with me while u were away. u dont care whether i am in ur life...u function fine without me. u dont care about how i feel so the best thing is to just release that burden--ME. u dont like how i make u feel...how i reveal to u how u really think of me... i dont want to tie u down or make u feel bad any more. just let me go. i know divorce is not ur thing so u leave me no choice but to kill myself... i am dead to u anyway so that won’t be any different. i love my kids but like u said, if i die, u can always find someone to help take care of the them. i know u r thinking i am being selfish...i may be but u leave me no choice..i need to stop suffering. i have tried and tried and tried. just like u said, you tried and tried and i supposedly left u no choice but to make that decision by urself and even after u made that decision, u kept it to urself since i have not earned the right to know since i was not never wiling to give my time of day. u gave up on me...i can give up on this marriage. i am a fool to ever think our marriage would be different than ur parents. i come from a family that has parents that lean on each other no matter what. u come from a family that has parents that do things individually. i cannot live like that...so loveless, so unwanted. i rather die than to be in that situation. tonight, i have never hated u as much as before. u kept blaming for ur actions...that is wrong. that action shows that u dont love me EVER!!!!!! you taught me well...I AM NOBODY, I AM NOTHING!!I'm in the room!
This occurred last night. This morning, she would not leave the room. The kids had to wait a couple of hours to open presents.
The kicker is I had gotten her an Apple Watch (she was acting good and did need it). She's barely touched it. She hasn't set it up. On the bright side, I got a present from her for the first time in years: socks and undershirt.
4 comments:
My STBX played the suicide card on me so many times I lost count. Eventually, 911 was called after an evening of numerous threats. Paramedics, Police and Fire all showed up at my door with lights flashing. Took Scarlett away and she was held for 24 hours for observation. Since then she hasn't pulled that stunt again. And sadly that's what a suicide threat is most of the time. In the meantime though, it makes your life lousy, puts the kids on edge and everyone is walking around on eggshells. Fun times. I can't give you any advice, you know your situation better than anyone else. But what I can tell you is that what you describe is really no way to live. Do you have a light at the end of the tunnel? Do you want a light at the end of the tunnel? What does that light look like? Feel like?
Threats of suicide/self-harm -- how very Borderline of her. As is being so insuffereably selfish in one's self pity as to spoil the holiday for everyone else involved. Fun times.
Saltyfog -
I recognized the suicide as only a threat. A form of manipulation. If Sybil feels that isn't the center of my universe then hell breaks loose. I'm not sure about a light. For various reasons, I've eliminated divorce for now. It's amazing how a little of bit of love dies with each episode.
Anon -
YES! That was my thought, too. She keeps blaming me for spoiling her Christmas. Yet, I am not the one acting this way; I am not the one that has to talked into joining the family for opening of presents; and I am not the one that has not even acknowledged the gift I received (Apple watch).
These would be some of the tools in my Mother's tool kit. Took years, but her manipulations no longer mean anything to me ... I suggest the same road for you.
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