If being married to Sybil is so bad, why have I stayed? Like many things the answer is complicated. We can simplify it to FOG:
Fear. "Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration". - Dune Frank Herbert.
What do I have to fear? Certainly not death nor dismemberment. No, the fear I have is, somehow, ruining our children's lives. I know the statistics and children of divorce do not do as well in life as children from intact families. I fear screwing up my children's lives before they are really started. I fear failure. Failing to live up to the standards I have set for myself.
Obligation. I have a very strong sense of obligation. Of three aspects of the FOG, obligation is my downfall, and Sybil knows this. I have made a vow to her, and I strive to be an honorable person and keep my vows. Without honor what are we? This realization has made me realize that I can never have real leverage against Sybil. I took divorce off the table. I will not file for divorce, unless some unknown something occurs. I guess in some way this is a for of narcissism. I feel that to be dishonorable is a reflection on myself; I care about I appear. Morally, there is no question.
Guilt. Right now I have no guilt. While in some ways I feel that Sybil is my nemesis to my past hubris and is the price a pay. A kind of penitence. I must serve this sentence for past crimes. Let us say that in my youth I was impertinent. However, this is not a compelling reason. I feel that any wrongs I have caused have been more than rectified.
There you have it, dear reader. Of these reasons of staying with someone that makes life unbearable, I would say that Obligation is the biggest for me. It is a strong motivator for me. Fear and guilt have less hold over me.
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