It's Better To Burn Out Than To Fade Away

Well, it seems Taja and Squared1 are signing off. Just as I was get to know them, they up and leave. That's the blogosphere for you. I have another blog that dealt more with political issues. Although it's still up and running, I don't write for it any more. I had lost the need. Foolish Mutterings started as a way for me to vent about Wife. It has been very cathartic. Wife and I will always have our ups and downs, but we'll make it (hopefully). Right now, I like this blog. I don't have any intentions of stopping it. As the manifesto says, it was always about venting my spleen. My spleen always has something to vent about.

So, I'll have to change the ol' blogroll to reflect the changes. I hope those two keep in touch, as they have been very helpful to me.

At Least an Ogre has Layers

Digger says he is becoming an orc. He relates an incident involving some differences of opinion about how to spend some money. He totally flips out. I can relate.

Naturally, children were involved. Wife was asked to help watch the nursery at church Wednesday afternoon. The kids were at their swim team practice. Since we go to church Wednesday nights and the community center (where they practice) is about a block away, she asked them to walk from the center to church and stay together. I must say our kids are awesome (aged 12, 9, and today 7). They are well mannered, smart, and a joy to be around. We have tried to instill a sense of responsibility into them. Anyway, I asked if I should leave work early to pick them up. She said no; they'll be ok walking. I leave work slightly earlier than usual. She calls to check on my status and asks me to keep an eye for the kids, since their route was on my way. Since they should have left 30 minutes earlier and their route is totally crime free (it runs by the police station), I said I hadn't thought about them and what was the big deal? She gave me an attitude and said, "Whatever." This provoked me for some reason. I became angry. When I got to church, she asked me to find the kids and make sure they are ok. I did but not in a pleasant manner. I acted like a total jerk (at church no less. Maybe I should go more often).

Although I should not have let my emotions get the better of me, I never worried about the kids' safety. As a matter of fact, a friend from said swim team (who goes to our church) tried to give them a ride. They were emphatic about saying no. They walked the whole way. Wife maintains I should have worried about the kids. What sane person wouldn't. I know times change and we hear about child abductions, murder, etc., but I knew they were safe. However, Wife totally fretted about it. Needless to say, we got into a major fight. I do feel bad about acting like an ogre towards her; I'm just not sure worrying about the kids was warranted.

Best Blond Joke Ever

As a blond (alas, with a sprinkling of gray), I have found the best blond joke around. This joke will really get you laughing. I'm usually the last person on the planet to hear a joke. Maybe not this time?

Enjoy.

Forgive but Forget?

The comments to my last post was enlightening. It seems that past history dictates the reaction to current events. In the past, I have been lax about calling Wife. When I am running behind schedule, I tend to get focused and totally block out other things that are going on. While this might have some advantages, one of the big disadvantages is forgetting to call Wife because I lost track of time. mom of 3 wrote: It sounds like something else is at the root of her bitchiness. Do you have a habit of not calling when you know that your wife expects a phone call? Does the lack of calling indicate to her that you don't care about her? This really struck home.

In the past I have been late calling. Instead of 5:30 it would be 6:00pm. I am at work. It's hard for me to stop what I'm doing, call her, and pick it right back up. Also, if I call her while I'm doing whatever, either I can't give her 100% of my attention (which really pisses her off) or it takes me longer to finish. It is not a situation of being out with the boys and coming home late (she does that with her monthly bonko night; a night with the gals means she won't be home until after midnight). So, after much discussion, she came realize that I get finished faster and am home faster, if she leaves me alone.

Does that make me selfish. Yeah, I guess so. I think a better description would be multi-tasking issues.

In and of itself, the episode has little meaning, yet it does. I've written two posts on the subject.

SSDD

First of all, thank you for those that bothered to post about Desperate Housewives. There is hope out there. Wife's friends might be a wee bit on the shallow side?

Today's post is about dealing with chronic bitchiness. We all do it, to some degree. Men do it as well as women. Do women do it more than men? I don't know. Men tend to internalize their problems. Verbally expressing himself is not a man's strong suit. Women are much better verbalizing. I think that is why women, generally, do a better job arguing.

The reason I bring this up is Wife's preponderance towards bitchiness. I might be waaay off base. I might be in the wrong. I don't know. Lemme give you an example. Yesterday, I was to pick up the two older kids from an after school event. Although I am usually finished with work by 5:00, I may not actually be out of the office until after 5:30. Anyway, I got the kids no problem. We stopped at a local fast food joint for greaseball food. Wife calls me for a status report. I tell her our status; I ask how things are going with her (youngest child was at a birthday party). Fine she says. Then she lets me have for not calling her and letting her know, if I had picked up the kids. I had some lame excuse, because it never really crossed my mind. I'm the type that if I delegate something, I tend to mentally cross it off my list.

Fast forward a couple of hours. I knew that she was irritated with me for not informing her of our status. Since she had not come home yet, I had the two older kids help pick up the house. I figured I might score some brownie points by her coming home to a neat house. No dice. She comes home and wants to continue our discussion about why I failed to call her about the status of the kids. I apologize and said I tried to make it up to her by straightening up the house. Wife makes a snarky comment about not starting until I heard her car. Again, I apologize and tell her that it never really crossed my mind to call her, but since it was a big deal to her, I will not do that in the future. Of course, this does not satisfy her. We have to have a 30 minute discussion on my failing to keep her informed and making her worry.

This incident, in and of itself, is no big deal. It is indicative of how things are between us. I can see her point, but she makes big deal out of everything. It has come to such a point that I'm starting to avoid her. I get tired of the constant conflict over miniscule crap. I get tired of rehashing old arguments. This is really taking its toll on me. I haven't posted a lot of what has been going on, because I get tired of sounding like a broken record.

Ironically, everyone loves her. Everyone thinks she is the greatest person. She is kind and patient with everyone except the kids and me. Especially me.

Maybe the problem is me. Am I inconsiderate? That's what she keeps saying. Yet, she has no problem with all of the good things I do for her. Who's the inconsiderate one?

Misogyny or Am I a Fuddy-Duddy?

Wife is off with some of her friends at a Desperate Housewives (DH) get together. My question is why do so many women watch this show? It does nothing but portray women in a terrible light. Every stereotype is on the show. She loves the it. We usually sit down to watch it. I watch it to be with her and to take part in an activity that she enjoys. I don't get the fascination. Do women really love to see other women fail? Do they really enjoy seeing other women in a bad light? If so, why? How true to life is this terribly popular TV show?

For those who've not seen it: DH is about four women friends and their trials and tribulations. One is an overacheiving women who was a SAHM but wanted to get back "in the game," another is a busy-body who is terribly neurotic and annoying, another is an uptight Christian (who helped her husband die and is battling her son's homosexuality), another woman who is a total mercenary (she has an affair and is a mutually loveless marriage based on control) and last but not least is the narrator who committed suicide because she stole a young woman's baby and raised him as her own. All of this occurs on the same road. None of the characters seem to be decent. All are conniving and out to only achieve whatever goal they have in mind.

Is this show a window into a woman's psyche? If it is, I weep for my sons and there is no hope for Wife and me. I am truly interested in what others think, because I don't get it.

Misc.

Hopefully, everyone survived the New Year. We barely did. We had some good friends over and had a good time...up to a point. Due to the stress this last year, the other husband and I decided we owed ourselves a good time. He brought stuff to make martinis. His wife, he and I got roaring drunk and passed out. Pretty sad, huh? One would think we were college freshmen. Wife had to take care of us. Not easy with us outweighing her by at least 60 pounds. This made for not a good New Year's Day on many levels. Very embarrassing. I will NEVER do that again.

The day after New Year's Day was terrible. Wife decided I did not love her, since I can't seem to remember anything. She points to this being a real problem with me not paying attention to her. I seem to be able to remember things I enjoy better than things she thinks are important. Possibly. I explained that I cannot remember anything "cold." I have to have something "jog" my memory. With my life, I have so many balls in the air at any given time; it is a wonder I remember to put on underwear. She did not buy it. We were up to 2:00am fighting about it. I REALLY hate when she chooses to do that. SHE doesn't get up early, take the kids to school, and go to work. Her day begins around lunch time. Anyway, we came to an accord. Patched things up and are moving on.

Sex was pretty good after the argument for a few days. Things seemed to be truckin' along. Unfortunately, my desire level has really dipped. I'm not sure why. I have a tremendous amount of stress at my office. Personal stress has barely diminished. Living with a type A, control issue, tenacious person can be taxing. Also, tax time is around the corner. This always adds to the tension.

I'm becoming more and more anti-social. When not at my office, I don't really want to talk to anyone. At times this includes Wife. Since I have to deal with the public in all its glory, dealing with the nagging from Wife gets to me after a while. I'm not like her; I won't stress out over everything. She does not understand. I feel myself withdrawing from her, the kids, even this blog. I try not to, but the daily grind seems to wear me down. In the Lord of the Rings by Tolkien, Bilbo states he feels like too little jam spread over too much bread. I know exactly how he feels. So what am I to do? Hang in there. It's like gas; it'll pass. Life is like a sine wave. There are highs and lows.

I think that's everything. I may have said more than I should have, but I feel a little better for saying it. Winter is so depressing.