Well, things are improving with Sybil and me, for now. She has really toned down her bitchiness. She has really worked hard to show her loving side to me. We've even had sex once, since the last post.
What brought this on? Well, it wasn't me confronting her. I did that. She apologized and then less than 12 hours later she was still snapping at me over little stuff. Confronting her is still a major chore. Sybil became very defensive, so her talking down to me circles back to it being my fault. No, she went into a 15 minute spiel about how, if I had only done A,B, and C, then she would not have snapped at me. Forget that is there a really a need to suddenly get up and make sure the kids have cleaned the basement? That argument lasted ~4 or 5 hours.
No, what brought this on was blood in my stool. It was enough for me to call her, slightly panicked. I'm healthy and not even 40, so I believe I am developing a bleeding ulcer. Sybil has finally realized that the stress of work and stress she creates at home may be taking a physical toll on me. Despite my efforts of telling her that constant arguing of stupid, small, petty shit (pardon the pun), is not conducive to a long and happy marriage. It seems I have to have something become seriously wrong to be taken seriously.
Now the question: is too late? I've posted on resentment. Unfortunately, I have a significant amount of resentment built up towards her. Although she has made strides in the past 5 days or so, am I able to just let it go? I know I should. I know I must for us to move forward. It is proving more difficult than I imagined.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
9 comments:
Is it too late? Dunno, I've only started 'reading' you recently and have not been through the archives but from the bit I've seen I'd guess not. Seems as though you believe in sticking to it once your in it (marriage, that is) and that is key.
It it genuine (the 180, that is)? Only time will tell. I will tell you that even if it is genuine there will likely be re-lapses, times that you are certain it's maybe not for real.
"Unfortunately, I have a significant amount of resentment built up towards her." And that is only natural. They say time heals all and that applies to some people and some situations but not all. The best I can give you is it may fade over time. It seems to me that you have a decent foundation to get the work done should this be a genuine 180. Unfortunately 5 days or so only scratches the surface.
Hang in there and keep doing your part. I've been through some of what you have and I'm 3 years since the change (though Queenie's 180 was more like several 30's). While by no means gone, the resentment has begun to fade as her behavior has improved.
OK, you don't know me from Jack, but maybe you can see some hope in this. I'd advise hanging in there to see where this new road leads. Maybe it will hold a few more pleasant surprises.
40 is when us guys have to start those not-so-fun checkups at the doctor, right? You know what I'm talking about... the kind where it seems like doc should have to buy you dinner first.
Just as big a question as 'am I able to just let it go?' is..will the new improved Sybil revert to the old Sybil in a few weeks when the initial scare wears off or if it's found that there is no major medical problem ?(and God willing this is the case!!)
That must have given you both a huge fright. Aside from the issue of Sybil, how are you feeling about your own health?
That's pretty much where I am at, "Is it too late?" Hell if I know. I know I don't want it to be, but I have found it isn't as simple as saying that and getting over things.
Best wishes with that.
How are you feeling now?
My suspicion is that it is not too late, since you have continued to work on it (marriage) and not given up.
However, wounds take time to heal, and she has been going out you for quite some time, so naturually, those wounds are going to take some time.
Add to that a feeling that she did this more because she "had" to as opposed to some revelation she came to on her own, it would be quite understandable if you were questioning whether or not this will last, or if this is just some sort of short term thing, and that if you let your guard down, it will only enable her to hurt you more later.
Give it some time, and see how it goes. There is no timeline to how quickly you will "get over" the past. You can't rush it.
You don't trust Sybil right now and are understandably wary of her change.
Something scary like this can be a great wake up call that prompts both parties to re-evaluate how they've been handling things. I hope that some good can come from this.
I hope that you are able to work through the resentment that all her bitchiness has created, and that she can let some of the little stuff go for the greater good of saving your marriage.
I hope you're feeling better soon!
all-
Thanks for your comments.
Things continue to go well. I have a post brewing that might shed a little more light on Sybil's 180.
I hope you have had/ are having that checked out. That is not a good sign!
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