Sybil and I were watching TV the other night, and one of those credit card commercials came on. It was the one about the mixed race couple that was about to get married. The future son-in-law has to meet the bride's parents at the airport. You know the one, right?
Anyway, during the commercial it was said that the ring was $9000. That's $9K. I commented (aside: I need to learn to keep my mouth shut) that it was silly to spend so much on a ring for a couple just starting out. I stated that the money would be better spent on a lesser expensive ring and the rest towards buying a house.
That didn't sit well with Sybil. It seems that I am a cold-hearted person. I only care about the cost of something, rather than whether or not it comes from the heart. If the perfect ring cost $20k, then that is ok, because it's perfect. After all, Sybil's sister has $15k ring. Of course, Sybil didn't say that her sister never wears it for fear of something happening to it. She actually wears a fake copy of the original.
This two hour "discussion" led to worry about a couple of things:
- Sybil and I are very different in our approach to money.
- We should have had this conversation waaaaay before getting married.
What's the answer to the question? I don't know, but apparently I was wrong to say that. At least out loud.
14 comments:
her sister never wears it for fear of something happening to it. She actually wears a fake copy of the original.
I'm going to use paper plates at the next holiday so nothing happens to the Lennox. And I'm going to buy a junk car so I don't have to worry about anything happening to my good one. Oh, and I'm going to have to get a cheap faux-wife so the good one doesn't get ruined.
Sheesh.
You know it is funny. Watching TV with my daughter the other night... a children's show mind you (Suite Life of Zach and Cody), there is a scene where right after the proposal, a bird swoops in a steals the ring. And the bird flys off, the guy screams, "Oh man, that ring cost me a months salary!"
The "fiance" turns around and quite annoyed says, "A month?"
Lady behind him says, "Yeah, uh... it is supposed to be 3 months"
Him "3 months? On a ring? A Flat Screen TV... maybe"
Fiance: "Oh that is it... the wedding is off... cheapskate"
Other lady: "That's why"
Yes, you are right... it is a status symbol. And you don't screw with that... ever. Or try and downplay it. Very dangerous ground you went towards there. Lucky you made it out alive. ;)
You had nothing to gain and everything to lose in that conversation. You're still right, but you had nothing to gain.
I am now questioning my feminity. I don't get why the cost shouldn't be kept to a reasonable level. I married without a ring at all, later got a cheap set with a fake diamond because it was all we could afford, and now have the "really nice" set that I always wanted. It cost about $1,200. I thought that was expensive, but worth it. I can't even imagine buying a ring, a little tiny ring, for tens of thousands of dollars.
I don't get why the cost shouldn't be kept to a reasonable level.
Not to mention that the markup in the Jewelry biz is almost criminal. And for the most part, people have no idea what they're looking at - I have seen some rings that friends paid a boatload of money for, only to get diamonds with occlusions and flawed facets. That's not proving your love, it's showing that you have no friggin' idea what you're spending money on!
Sorry - pet peeve of mine.
Aphron,
I am totally with you. Way too much money for a ring. I found something my wife loved for much less than that! That is a new car!
Aphron - RS got me a lovely ring, but if he had spent that kind of money on it we probably couldn't have had such a beautiful honeymoon, something BOTH of us could enjoy. I wouldn't trade my ring if it meant sacrificing some of the awesome times we had together during our first couple years of marriage.
I love jewelry. But there are better things to be spending money on.
Aphron, I've been reading your blog for several months now, but I haven't posted before. I recognize many of Sybil's behaviors that you describe. While the picture you paint is cursory and obviously incomplete, I would urge you to learn a little bit about Borderline Personality Disorder. Start with the web sites www.bpdcentral.com and www.bpdresources.com. Good Luck.
Well here's another female weighing in [ha!] on the utter foolishness of buying a big expensive ring...
We're wearing plain gold bands, I'd rather invest the big $$$ in oh, I dunno, maintenance & upkeep on the homestead? A new horse trailer?? A new HORSE?!?!?
I want to defend womankind here as well... my boyfriend could propose to me with a piece of twine and a stone of gravel and I'd say yes. Of course, I have an idea of what my "dream" ring looks like, but that's just a fashion statement... it has nothing to do with the sentiment behind wearing the ring, making the proposal, committing your lives, etc... that's the real stuff and I'd say yes tomorrow with no ring at all. Frankly, i think anybody who "expects" a ring to cost a certain amount is a materialistic bitch. Sorry, but I do.
Brady "proposed" to me on one of our first dates at Baskin Robbins in Gatlinburg... and tied a Baskin Robbin's straw wrapper around my finger. That was 9 years ago and I still have the straw wrapper. Even if he hadn't gotten me a ring (which he did, very nice but reasonably priced) I'd still be ecstatic.
It should also be known, I am a cheapskate. : )
all-
Thank you for all of the comments. Most of you ran in the same of vein. Some have been taken in that the price of the ring is all that matters. In my opinion, a woman that expects a certain size ring (read cost) is dangerous and should be avoided.
In Sybil's defense, she did not get that ring. Long story short: we "had to get married," we were in school, and we had no money. Later she did get a ring that, to me, was a lot of money (~$3K), but, to her, was not that expensive.
As far as borderline personality disorder, that is a possibility. I do feel the need to walk on eggshells, her reactions seem out of line with the situation, etc. Like many of these syndromes, she doesn't fit all of the criteria. Maybe she's just a bitch?
On the topic of BPD, there is actually a really good book called "STop Walking On Eggshells" that will teach you tools for how to deal with a person who has BPD. My shrink recommended it to me, after we assessed that a relative of mine clearly suffers from the disorder.
~jessica
I'm not sure why I hadn't commented on this yet, but I'd like to point out that the engagement ring that I bought for my wife cost me about $500.
We were in college, and even that was quite a bit of money for me to pay. And she still wears it. I wouldn't think of getting anything else.
As you said, anyone that "expects" a certain-sized ring should definitely be avoided.
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